


The Bitch of SAMCRO

by buckyscrystalqueen



Series: The Bitch of SAMCRO [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, SOA/MCU Crossover, Sons of Anarchy, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-02-08 01:24:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckyscrystalqueen/pseuds/buckyscrystalqueen





	1. Chapter 1

Coming back to Charming was a bag of mixed emotions. You loved being back home, loved getting to see your baby brother, and your club… but that meant you had to deal with people that hate you. Not that that was a huge inconvenience, more of an annoyance, really. But it was a big annoyance that you couldn’t escape from if you went back home.

The warm, California breeze whipped through parts of your currently and freshly colored blue hair that had fallen out of your backwards Reaper Crew hat and your helmet as you pulled down your brother’s street. It had been almost a year since you had seen him last, but typically, he had Monday mornings off at the garage so you figured you could commander him for a short family ride before heading over to the club house. A flash of shoulder length red hair caught your eye in the yard across the street from your brother and you looked over at Ope’s new smoking hot neighbor at the same moment she looked up from her gardening to see who was in her neighborhood. A smile curled at your lips as you turned off your brand new, custom built Harley Dyna Switchback and sat back the slightest bit.

“Welcome home to me.” With a slight hum of approval, you took of your helmet, and went over to introduce yourself. “You would think a girl like me would remember a gorgeous face like yours moving across the street from my baby brother.” You cooed as you crossed your arm and leaned against her chain link fence. “What’s your name, beautiful?”

“Natasha.” She breathed with a smile as she sat back on her heels to look up at you. “Are you talking about Opie?”

“I am.” You cooed, seductively. “(Y/N).”

“It’s nice to meet you, (Y/N).” She said with a smile as she wiped off her hands on her jeans and sat up enough to stretch her hand out for yours. Your smile grew as you shook her hand, and gave it a little squeeze as your niece and nephew shouted your name from their house.

“Yea…” You drawled as you checked her out. “I’m already looking forward to hearing you scream my name in the very near future. And moan it… as you pull my hair while I eat you out…”

“Aunt (Y/N)!”

“My kiddos!” You cheered as you let go of Natasha’s hand and turned toward Ellie and Kenny to give them a hug. “Oh, I missed… wait…” You held your hands out to stop them before you hugged them. “Who the fuck are you, two? Last time I saw you, two you were just little ankle biters. Did you eat my Ellie and Kenny, hmm? Come here!” With a growl, you pulled them both into your arms for a hug and playfully pretended to bite them both. They both laughed as you let them go and looked at them both. “Shit… you two have grown up so much since you came up to see me. OK, the three of us are going to Fun Town this weekend. Don’t tell your mom. Now you go on back home, I’m right behind you.” The kids both nodded and took off running back across the road as you stood up and looked back at Natasha.

“You’re coming, too.” You stated, matter of factly, as you took off your Reaper Crew ball cap and flipped it around the right way to keep the sun out of your eyes, which let your dyed hair fall down around your shoulders. “Saturday morning. Be ready at 9 AM. And sweetheart… I swear I’ll make it worth your while to say yes. See you later, Tasha.” You shot her a wink, and watched her cheek flush to the same color as her hair before you turned on your heel and headed across the street to your brother’s.

“Hitting on my neighbor already?” He asked as he watched Natasha duck down quickly to hide in her gardening. “Pretty sure she’s straight.”

“For now.” You replied as you gave him a quick hug. “Now, get your kutte and let’s go for a ride…”

“Can’t.” He grumbled with a shake of his head. “Got work.”

“Yea, and Gemma can fucking wait.” You said as you took your hat off to get your wind swept hair out of your face.

“You dyed your hair blue?”

“Harry! Go get your kutte!” You barked as you pointed toward his garage. You did a double take and bobbed your head at your sister-in-law, who hated you almost as much as your mother did. “Donna.”

“He doesn’t work at TM any more, (Y/N).” She told you as she crossed her arms over her chest. “He works down at the mill…”

“You what now?” You snapped as you looked up at him with your eyebrows raised. “Who the fuck are you and what the fuck did you do with my brother?”

“Had to pay the bills.” He muttered as he looked over your head. You grit your teeth and whacked him hard in the stomach.

“Go get your fucking kutte, asshole! I’m not playin’ a fucking game!” Your brother, who learned at a young age not to cross you, turned to head inside as you pulled your walled out of your back jeans pocket and flipped it open.

“Look, here’s a thousand dollars. Bet it’s more than he’d make this whole week.” You pulled out a wad of bills and held them out to your sister-in-law, who refused to take the money, so after a moment’s hesitation, you sighed. “Damn it, Donna. Take the fucking money. Consider it your fucking birthday gift for the last two years since we both know I didn’t get you shit for your real birthday.” You grabbed her hand, and shoved the money in her fist as your brother trudged back out to the garage. “I’m paying her a grand for your bills so you can spend time with me because fuck the mill. Let’s go.” You turned on your heel and walked down the driveway with an annoyed sigh. “Un-fucking-believeable.”

——

“Oh shit…” Gemma groaned as she watched you pull your bike up to the garage to tune it up and get it more street ready after your long ride from Seattle back to Charming. Tara looked up from the paperwork she was filling out for her car as Gemma watched you through the blinds. “The fucking bitch is back.”

“Who’s the fucking bitch?” She asked as she took a step over to take a look out the window as well. 

“Opie’s older sister.”

“Oh shit.” Tara groaned as well. “That fucking bitch?” Gemma nodded slowly as she turned away from the window to go back to work.

“There’s only three women I’m afraid of.” She stated with a sigh as she sat down at her desk. “My mother, my third grade math teacher and that fucking bitch.”

“‘ey!” Chibs shouted from inside the garage as he tossed the wrench in his hand aside. “Look wha’ the shit storm dragged in!”

“Figured it was about time for me to get my ass home.” You said with a smile as you tossed your hat on the seat of your bike and held out your arms for a hug. “Ding dong, bitches. The bitch is back!” Chibs and the other guys cheered as you passed out hugs to your family.

“What are ye doin’ ‘ere, luv? An’ wha’s wit’ the blue ‘air?”

“I just missed home.” You sighed with a shrug as you leaned against the car he had been working on.

“Bullshit.” He laughed as he handed you a wrench and gestured for you to help him. “Ye ‘ate California.” He looked up at you as you subtly ran your thumb across your left ring finger to look for the ring that had sat there until two days prior when you had started your trip south. “Why are ye back, luv?”

“Can you just accept that this is the only place I wanna be right now and leave it at that?” He searched your eyes, seeing more than you wanted to let him know at that precise moment, and nodded his head slowly.

“A’right, lass.” He agreed.

“You fucking bitch!” You smile widely and turned in your spot as Jax strolled across the parking lot toward you.

“That’s ‘the’ fucking bitch to you, asshole! Hi baby!”

“Oh, fuck it’s been too long.” He groaned as he wrapped you in a hug and lifted you up off the ground. You nodded your head and held on for a moment longer, wishing you could break down for even a moment but knowing that that wasn’t a possibility anytime soon, you let him go and took a step back.

“Well I’m home now. Home for good. Seattle is just… it’s just shit up there. So I’m back. But I um… I need to talk to you in private tonight. You and Chibby. Ope and my Pop can’t know.”

“Sure, darlin’.” He promised with a nod. “You got it.” With a tight lipped smile, you ran your fingers through your hair and pulled it back into a loose bun.

“So, you wanna drool over my new baby while I take the touring shit off her?”

“‘bout fucking time you got rid of that shitty Low Rider you were riding.” You shoved his shoulder hard and moved your hat off the seat to walk your bike into the garage to work on it.

“Just gotta paint her this weekend. I just picked her up a week ago.”

“Here, hand me a 5/8th.” He requested as he moved your helmet out of the way to take off the windshield for you. You handed him the socket wrench from the tool box and grabbed one for yourself as your brother came in to the garage as well.

“Does Pop know you’re back?” You shook your head and glanced over at him as he grabbed his own tool to take off the extended seat back, and the two hard, plastic saddlebags for you.

“Nope. Figured I’d fine him here at some point or another. He up at the cabin?”

“Nah, he’s on his way. I called him when we got here.” You nodded your head and dipped between your bike and Jax’s body to get to the other side.

“Nice old family fucking reunion then. Good times.”

——

Chibs watched you rearranging his stuff in your old room, to fit your stuff for a few weeks until you could find an apartment or a house to rent or possibly even buy.

“Luv… why are ye back?” You shook your head at him and grabbed one last pile of shirts from your drawer and moved them back onto the shelf in your wardrobe where they originally were before you moved out to go to med school. “There’s something going on here…”

“I love how you still can’t just drop it when I ask you to.” You sighed as you turned back to the bed to start unpacking your bags. “’s’open!” You grabbed a pile of bras and underwear and looked back over your shoulder at Jax, who, like most of the Sons, usually ignored the fact that you walked around in simply tank tops, and ladies boxer briefs in your room.

“Hey, you ready? I gotta head out in a couple minutes.” You nodded your head and tossed your stuff in the drawer.

“Lock it behind you. So here’s the deal. This shit leaves this room, and you both know I will beat your fucking asses within an inch of death, are we clear? Last fucking thing I need right now is dealing with my dad or Ope… and that’ll make sense in a minute.” You reached into your bag and grabbed a couple rolled up t-shirts and set them out on the bed in a neat row. “You two both know the rules to me patching in. I finished college, I could patch. And you both knew that even if I loved school with all of my heart, I was still coming back here to patch, because I’m that damn stubborn.” With a heavy sigh, you stood up straight and looked at your best friends.

“When I was doing my internship, I met a patient. Viral cardiomyopathy. Name was Denny. I was the intern put on his case… and I fell for him. He didn’t give a shit that I was a biker, didn’t give a shit that I’m scary as fuck when I get going. He didn’t care. He just loved me. We got married…”

“You got fucking married?!” Jax hissed as Chibs jumped to his feet.

“Shut the fuck up!” You hissed back as you punched his arm. “I don’t… want… my family to fucking know!”

“Lass, ye got ta tell them…” Chibs chided as he put his hand on your arm, hating the twinge of jealousy he felt in his heart at your news.

“I will, OK?” You snapped. “Just hear me out, assholes. So we got married, a lot faster than we should, because his insurance wasn’t nearly as good as mine was through the hospital. Which is insurance fraud. I don’t give a shit about jail time though so it’s whatever. So he’s getting better for a few months, he, of course, loves my in my kutte… what is it with people and our kuttes, am I right? Couple more months go by, and he get’s a new heart. Fuck that was the greatest day of my life. Better than the day I patched. I start to consider blacking out my ink, and becoming an upstanding member of society, and I go into my resident year. 

And then it all died. I was at the end of a shift, working a ER rotation when Denny got brought in. Complete heart failure with the new heart. And there was literally nothing I could do but stand there and watch my husband die in my arms. So the next thing I know, I’m robbing a pharmacy truck… And now, I have these…” You grabbed the rolled up shirts, which you had taken from Denny’s drawers before you moved, and unrolled them to reveal a total of 14 extra large, thick plastic, resalable stuffed full of pills. You tossed them on to the bed and took a step back to wait for their reaction. 

“I don’t know what happened. I was just… I kissed him good-bye and the next thing I know I’m standing on the runner of truck, holding my gun to the driver’s head. He didn’t even bat an eye, either. He just gave me the truck, and walked away for the simple price of a couple bottles of Oxy. But this wasn’t like a Walgreens shipment, either. This was a hospital shipment. This… isn’t shit on the stuff I still have. I just… I lost my mind. And when he didn’t make it off the table, I packed up our house, and came back here. They’re not looking for the truck… I’ve been keeping tabs. I wiped it down and drove it into the bay. It happens a lot more often than you think…”

“(Y/N)…” Jax gasped as he picked up a bag of Opana. “What did you do?”

“I panicked! He was my husband, Jax. The only man I have loved…”

“OK, OK.” Chibs interrupted as he took a step over and pulled you into a hug. “We’ll figure it out, OK, luv? We’ll…”

“The fuck are we supposed to do with this shit?” Jax asked as he grabbed another bag of pills and held them up. “This is so fucking far beyond felony weight. They don’t even have a fucking name for this kinda weight, yet.”

“Don’t you think I fucking know that?” You snapped. “And I have to push it, now. I have cases… cases, Jax, in a Pod with the rest of my belongings in a storage yard in Stockton. If the DEA connects dots before I can move it, I’m fucked.”

“Alright, shit.” He groaned as he tossed the pill bags back on the bed. “But we have to bring this to the table.”

“Not Denny.” You said with a shake of your head. “I won’t drag his name across that redwood. That man deserved better than me. My marriage is not up for discussion.”

“You need to tell Ope.” Jax countered as he took a step toward the door. “And your old man. This is big…”

“I know.” You whined. “I’ll tell them… but I need time. Ope will understand why I didn’t tell them, but Piney?” You shook your head as you searched Jax’s eyes. “He’s not gunna get it. And it’s gunna rip him apart.” With a heavy sigh, he nodded his head and turned toward the door.

“We’ll bring it to the table tomorrow at church. Pack that shit up.”

“Thanks, babe.” You breathed as you took a step over to lock the door behind him. With a kiss on the cheek, you whispered good bye and quickly locked the door behind him. Your hand flew up to the long, silver chain around your neck, where your and Denny’s wedding rings now lived safely between your breasts, and your eyes filled with tears for only a second before you forced them down like the rest of your feelings.

“This ‘im?” Chibs asked softly as he found and held up a photo you had wrapped in a different t-shirt for safe keeping. You glanced over your shoulder and nodded your head with a smile.

“That’s my Denny.” You confirmed as you took a step over and gently took the photo from his hands. “He took me to Memphis after his transplant to finally introduce me to his parents. That’s where he’s from originally. I met his family who… absolutely hated me at first.” Chibs smirked at you as you sat down on the bed and ran your fingers over the sunset backed photo. “But they saw how much he loved me. And how much I loved him… and they fell in love with me, too. You know, I never dreamed of a life outside the club until him. And now without him, I can’t picture a normal life without him in it.”

“Tha’s why ye came ‘ome.” He breathed as you set the photo on your bedside table.

“That’s why I came home.” You repeated as you got up and started grabbing the drug bags to stash in the false bottom cubby of your dresser until the next day. “To lick my wounds, and pretend like I didn’t just make one of the biggest mistakes of my life.” He nodded his head at your back as you pushed the panel back into place. You turned back around to look at him with a shrug and grabbed your duffle. “Pretend that Seattle never fucking happened.”

“Le’s get some sleep, luv.” Chibs cooed as he got up to move your bag off the bed. “We don’ need ta finish this shite t’nigh’. ‘ere… ta sleep in.” You looked over at him as he handed you an extremely worn out U of M Tiger’s shirt that belonged to Denny. He searched your questioning eyes and shrugged as he waved the shirt at you, slightly. “I know wha’ ’t’is like ta go wit’out the luv’a yer life in yer bed. Tha’s why we made our arraignment in the first place, aye?”

“Yea…” You breathed as you took the shirt from him and smelled the cotton. Tears welled in your eyes again as you turned your back on your MC brother. Silently, he tapped your arms with a pack of cigarettes, turned on your bedside lap for you, and went around to shut off the room lights to go to bed. He didn’t try to ask if you were OK, he didn’t try to comfort you, he simply existed in the same space so that you were not alone. Once he got into bed with his back to you, you lost it. You sat down on the edge of the bed and simply sobbed, in the safety of the only place you could call home since your real home was gone for good now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Look, I just had a really shitty day at work, OK?” You snapped as you sat between your brother and your father, staring down Clay at the head of the table, almost daring him to give you shit for this. “It just happened. Wasn’t wearing my fucking kutte, had my ink, and my face covered. There won’t be any fucking club kick back for this. It’s just straight profit…”

“If we can fucking move it.” Tig grumbled under his breath.

“We can call Laroy.” Jax suggested for you as he leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. “Get back in his good graces after Brown stomped all over that last AK sale.”

“We don’t deal drugs.” Clay growled in his deep, irritating timber. “Get them out of my club.”

“Excuse me?” You snapped before he could move on to the next point of business as you shot to your feet. “What, we don’t sell pills when I need the fucking help but we ‘shrooms when it’s attached to fucking bullets because it helps you achieve your fucking plan at the end of the fucking day?”

“(Y/N)…” Opie tried under his breath, and he ducked a little too late as you swiped your hand at the back of his head to hit him.

“If this was anyone else at the fucking table, you’d fucking back it in a heart beat.”

“The hell I would!” He roared as he shot forward in his chair. “The Son’s don’t deal drugs.” You cocked your eyebrow at him and reached forward to grab the pill bags off the table.

“Fine.” You declared with an evil smile. “I’ll remember this. I promise you that.” You looked around the table at your brother’s as you tucked the bags into your kutte. “Anyone else wanna go to Oakland? Personal fortune that this asshat is just turning his back on because he’s too much of a ‘man’s man’ to back something the girl brings to this fucking table.”

“You sell those drugs, and you’re fucking out!” Clay shouted as you turned toward the door to leave.

“Oh!” You roared loudly as you whipped back around, sending your braided hair flying in an arch behind your back. “Oh I fucking dare you to try, mother fucker! I fucking DARE you to go against the table, and the other presidents to kick me out over something you’d do behind the table’s back in a heart beat, too. I will beat your crippled ass into next fucking week without batting a fucking eye! You forget who the fuck I am, already? Because I swear to you, I am happy to fucking remind you, you stupid mother fucker.” Your eyes narrowed as Clay stared at you, daring you to follow through on a threat he absolutely knew you were crazy enough to go through with, while Piney sat, grinning like a Cheshire Cat with pride at raising such a crazy child.

“Bring it to a vote.” Piney suggested as he pat your back.

“It’s only fair.” Your brother chimed in. “Lots of extra income for the club…”

“Thousands.” You pointed out as you sat back down. “Most likely hundreds of thousands of dollars. One bag alone is worth at least thirty or forty grand on the streets. You really don’t want that coming into the club, I’ll happily pad my fucking bank account with it.” Clay stared at you, threateningly, beyond livid what you were back and questioning his authority again. 

“All in favor of gettin’ in the drug business.” He growled. “Nay.”

“No.”

“Aye.” Was Chibs’ vote, followed by three yes’s from the three Winstons.

“Nay.” Happy sighed as he looked over at you. “Sorry, mama. It’s not you.”

“I know.” You reached across the table for his hand, knowing what pills had done to his family, and simply bobbed your head. “It’s fine.”

“Yay.” Juice sighed and Bobby voted ‘no’ quickly.

“Absolutely.” Jax said with a nod, knowing that this was going to not only piss of Clay, but it was also going to be very short lived. Clay fought hard not to roll his eyes as he picked up his gavel.

“Call Laroy. Take whoever.” He taunted with a forced smile at you. “Your highness.” He hit the gavel and quickly got up from the table as your dad pat your back, proudly.

“I know a lady who can probably move more of the eclectic ones for you.” Happy growled as he pulled you up to your feet for a hug. “She sells lots of meds to locals without insurance and people that can’t afford health care.”

“Really?” You said with a smile as you squeezed his arm. “Thank you, Hap.”

“Of course. I got my girl’s back even if I’m not a fucking fan. Shit’s about to get real fun.”

“Fuckin’ a right it is.” You cheered as you laced your arm with his and turned him toward the doors. “Come on, let’s ride.”

——

“Well… well… well…” Laroy drawled as you got off your bike in the middle of Jax, Juice, Opie, and Happy with a smile. “Look what managed to crawl its ass out of hell.” You smirked and took a step forward with a small, dismissive wave of your hand.

“Oh, you knew as well as I did that I wasn’t staying gone for long.” He nodded slowly as his eyes dragged at a nearly glacial pace down your body.

“Hear you got business.”

“I do.” You replied as you put your hand on your hip and waited for him to look you in the eye. “Up here, fucker.” He smirked at you, knowing that you weren’t being disrespectful, that you were just you, and held up his hand at his associates when they went to raise their guns. “Shit kinda fell into my lap.” You said as you pulled out one, only half full bag with five hundred 30MG Oxy pills in it. “I got enough to feed the streets for months. You buy ‘em at 40 a pill, and sell them at whatever rate you want. There’s five hundred here, so 20k up front.”

“I’ll buy ‘em at 20 a pill.” He countered as he took the bag from you to look at the product. “10K. Won’t sell them for more than that.”

“That’s hospital grade weight, sweetheart.” You informed as you crossed your arms over your chest, knowing that he was gunna ask at least forty bucks a pill since they were a lot rarer on the streets these days. “I won’t go lower than 30 a pop. 15k round one. And I’ve got a whole arsenal left. This is just a test run to make sure you’re still as good a talker as I remember.”

“Bitch, you got some nerve.”

“Oh, you fucking know it. So you want ‘em?” He closed the bag, and glanced over at his second in command. There was a small, silent conversation between the two of them before Laroy turned back toward you.

“How many you got on you?” He asked as he passed the bag back to you temporarily, and took a large wad of cash from his second in command.

“Just Oxy this round.” You replied as you pulled open your kutte, flashing your pair of custom black and blue Beretta’s to the Niners, as you grabbed the other bag in your kutte. “Another thousand, here.” He nodded his head slowly, doing the math for both bags in his head, as he started counting out rubber band wrapped stacks.

“45K.” He said as he held out the cash. You moved both bags into one hand, and grabbed his wrist painfully tight, making every one take a step forward and raise their weapons.

“You pay me for these pills, and you’re not just making a deal with the fucking club. You’re making a fucking deal with me. You understand what that fucking means, don’t you, Laroy? Or do I need to remind you about the last one of your boys that tried to double cross me.” You could see he was beyond pissed that you grabbed him, but you could also see that he, and most of the Niners for that matter, were positively terrified of the five foot seven woman in front of them.

“I remember.” He muttered as he pulled his hand free, gently. “I was there for that blood shed.”

“Wonderful.” You said as you took the money and handed him the two bags. “When you make it through those, I have a shit ton more Oxy, along with some Opana’s, Dilaudid’s, Perc’s, and Vic’s for you. I’ll be in touch.” He nodded his head as you turned your back on him and passed out the cash evenly to your MC brother’s so it wasn’t all on you.

“Damn, I forget how scary you are.” Opie chuckled as you put your helmet on, and threw your leg over your Harley.

“Trust me, Ope. You haven’t seen fucking shit from me, yet.”


	2. Chapter 2

“So what’s her deal?” Half Sack asked Bobby quietly across the bar at your welcome home party later that night. “How did a girl patch in to the club?”

“That’s not just any girl.” Bobby replied with a shake of his head as he watched you casually play pool with your brother. “That is a murderous psychopath. She is a ruthless, take no prisoners bitch…”

“You see…” Tig chimed in as leaned against the bar. “She’s Piney’s oldest. It’s just her and Ope. And well… it wasn’t like Piney was pissed she was a girl…”

“He was.” Bobby interrupted around his beer.

“He just wished she was a boy. And he kinda raised her like one.”

“Yea, but the problem is, he didn’t expect… that!” Bobby slurred as he gestured to you in general. Tig simply nodded in agreement.

“I just… I don’t see it.” Sack said with a shake of his head.

“You don’t wanna see it.” Bobby replied with a shake of his head as he slid his empty beer bottle across the bar toward the trash can and held out his hand for a refill.

“I mean, I kinda do though.” Both Tig and Bobby paused for a half second before exchanging a glance.

“Just don’t be afraid to hit a girl. Hey (Y/N)!” You looked up from your game at Tig as he pointed over his shoulder at the kid behind the bar. “Prospect feels like meeting the bitch. He’s a boxer.” A small smile slid across your face as you looked at your challenger.

“Set him up in the ring then. Almost done here.”

“Damn it, (Y/N).” Juice groaned from the couch as you lined up your shot. “Don’t kill the prospect.”

“Y’all needed to warn the prospect about me a little more then. Not my fault my reputation doesn’t proceed me.” With a nice twist of your wrist, you sank your last ball and the eight ball in one shot and stood up straight. “Alright, boys. Let’s see what this little boxer of yours is made of.” As you tied your hair back and headed out back, you subtly took your necklace off and balled it up in your hands. You let the pain and heartbreak of losing Denny curl in your stomach, fueling the unforgiving beast in you. You stopped at Chibs’ side for a moment and gently grabbed his hand. “Hold this for me.” You whispered like a breath as you slid the silver in his palm and closed his fingers around it so no one would see. With a nod of his head, you turned away, kicked off your boots, and unbuckled your jeans.

“I’m gunna give you one last chance to back out of this ring.” You told the prospect as you took off your kutte and passed it to Chibs as well. “Because if I step in there, you’re going out in a fucking body bag.”

“Yea… right.”

“Alright then.” You said with a small nod as you stepped up to the ring and easily pulled yourself up. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Without giving him any sort of warning that the fight was starting or that you were ready, you slammed your fist into the side of his face so hard, you could almost feel his brain rattle, and his jaw fracture through your fist. Half Sack barely had enough time to get his hands up to cover your next blow, but your left knee caught him perfectly in the ribs. Realizing he made a huge mistake, he tried to twist away from you, but you grabbed him by the side of the neck and slammed him back on the mat at your feet.

“Get her the fuck outta there!” Clay shouted a few seconds before you kneeled down to continue the assault. You had just pulled your arm back, too when Happy grabbed your right wrist and elbow so you wouldn’t follow through, Juice grabbed your left arm, and Opie picked you up around the middle to carry you away from Half Sack.

“OK.” You conceded as you opened your fists and laid them flat in surrender. “OK, I’m cool. Barely got started, boys. I’m cool.” Your brother set you down in the corner, and walked around you with a shake of his head.

“Why do you do that shit?” He asked as you glanced at your barely bruised hand.

“Because it’s fucking funny. Hap, you next, baby?” Your former mentor looked over at you, and shrugged his shoulders.

“Just don’t kill me.” He laughed as he reached back to pull off his shirt. With a nod of your head, you looked back up at your little brother and smiled.

“Might wanna move.” He sighed loudly and got out of the way as someone started placing bets on the friendly match. You pulled off your Reaper Crew shirt, leaving you only in a sports bra, a wife beater, and your boxers, and dropped it on the floor outside the ring. “You ready?”

“Oh, you know I was born ready.” Hap replied as he called you forward with a curl of his fingers. “Come and get me.” A sinister giggle left your throat as you pulled your pony tail tight and walked forward. You ducked Happy’s first punch and hit him hard in the ribs in return, but his left counter hit caught you in the chin.

“Alright!” You shouted as your mind screamed for more of that pain to drown the pain in your heart for good. “That’s it!” You responded with a few hits of your own, doing your best not to go completely crazy on your friend, but just crazy enough to forget. You purposely let him get a few hits in, needing the pain more and more with every hit, but they just weren’t enough.

“Hit me!” You shouted at Happy as you knocked him hard in the jaw with a left hook. “Harder!” You didn’t really register the slightly confused look on his face as you purposely dropped your hands to get hit with a hard jab to the cheek.

“What are you doin’, baby doll?” Your blood ran ice cold at the sound of Denny’s voice in your head and without thinking, you threw one final upper cut, knocking Happy out flat. You quickly took a few steps back and raised your hands in the air as Denny’s face floated through your mind. Without a word, you walked out of the ring, and grabbed your belongings.

“Ye a’righ’?” Chibs asked as he handed you your kutte and your necklace. You barely bobbed your head as you got dressed at nearly lightening speed.

“Gotta go.” You mumbled under your breath as you walked quickly through the crowd toward your bike.

“You’re so tense, baby doll. Relax.” You shook your head, not wanting your husband to see this dark side of you, and grabbed your helmet off the handle bars.

“I’m fine.” You said aloud to not just his memory, but to Piney as well as he yelled out to you. You turned over your bike and pulled out of the Teller-Morrow lot to try to escape. When you were far enough away from the club, you started screaming at the darkness.

“This isn’t what I wanted!” You screamed as you pushed your Harley up past 70, 80, then 90 miles an hour with no intent of stopping. “I didn’t fucking want this, damn it! I should be the dead one, here, Denny! Fuck!” You kept riding mindlessly, and you didn’t even really register that you had stopped and gone into a business, until a small, soft hand touched your wrist. You jumped, knocking the table you were sitting at with your knee, and grabbed at whoever touched you as the few customers and the couple people at the diner you ended up in all stared at you in fear. Natasha, who didn’t flinch at all, gave you a small smile as she put her other hand on top of yours.

“Hey, sweetheart. It’s OK. It’s just me. Opie’s neighbor, Natasha… remember?” You nodded your hand and loosened your grip on her wrist as she picked up a clean white rag off the table. “(Y/N), you’re bleeding. Why don’t I get you a cup of coffee while you get yourself cleaned up, OK?” With a small nod, you took her rag, and got up from the corner booth to head back to the restroom. You forced yourself, once again, to push Denny from your mind and yanked the biker in you forward again. When you looked at yourself in the mirror, you sighed, and nodded your head.

“Damn, Hap. You did good.” You studied the slight, forming bruise on your left cheek, the split on your lip, and the cut above your right eyebrow that was the source of the bleeding you hadn’t even noticed. Before you even reached out to turn on the faucet, your eyes wandered down to the necklace that was laying outside your shirt. “Damn it, Denny.” You breathed as you pushed it back behind the blood splattered cotton. “What the hell did you do to me?”

——

You weren’t as used to seeing the fear in people’s eyes when they looked at you as you had been when you lived in Charming. It was actually slightly comical to you. The whole town knew you were raised by the club, they all knew that you were positively lethal and didn’t give a shit about anyone or anything, but they also knew that you had moved to Seattle, gone to college, and became a surgeon for your patch. You knew the stares of the few customers frequenting the 24 hour diner at 4 in the morning were their way of trying to figure out the gossip; why was the bitch back in Charming?

“Do you want more coffee before I head home?” Tasha asked sweetly as she came back over to your table, and stood so she blocked most of the eyes that were boring holes in the side of your face.

“You wanna go for a ride?” You countered as you looked up and searched her stunning green eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get home in one piece.” She looked around, slightly hesitantly, before biting her lip and nodding her head.

“Yea… yea, I can do that.” With a smile, you slid out of your seat, and pulled your wallet from your back pocket by the chain.

“I’ll meet you out front.” She nodded her head and startled a bit at the fifty dollar bill in her hand. 

“Wait… this is…”

“Just what I intended to give you.” You shot her a wink, and walked around her toward the door, making sure to curl your lip and glare at the small group of kids in their early twenties that looked a little intoxicated. You reached up and slid your thumbnail across your throat, making them all quickly look away from you. The fear made you smile as you walked out to your bike and started pulling your hair up in to a tight bun so it would be out of Natasha’s face.

“You ever road on the back of a motorcycle before?” Natasha shook her head as you called her forward with a drag of your finger. “Well, you get the helmet. You’re gunna put your feet on the pegs, hold on tight, and try not to touch the pipes with your legs, OK? They get hot as fuck, you will wobble the bike when you flail your legs out, and I promise, I am strong, but I am not that strong.” She nodded her head as you tightened your helmet under her chin. “Perfect. Hop on.”

“I’ve never been on a motorcycle before.” She confessed as you pulled your bike upright and kicked up the kickstand.

“Well lucky me to be the one popping your cherry.” She blushed again and grabbed your shoulder for balance. You brought your bike roaring to life as she sat down behind you and put her hands on your waist.

‘Fuck, she’s so delicate.’ You thought as you walked back out of your spot. You smirked as you pulled in the clutch and shifted into first. ‘Damn is she gunna be fun to corrupt.’

——

“So what’s his name?” She asked softly as the two of you sat on the ground, watching the sunrise on the side of a deserted road in the mountains surrounding your home town.

“Who?”

“The man whose ring your running back and forth on your necklace.” Your hand stopped moving and you sat up a little straighter while looking down at what you were subconsciously doing. With a heavy sigh, you let the necklace fall against your chest.

“My husband.”

“You’re married?” Your tongue slipped out across your bottom lip as you tried to wrap your head around the word you had been denying in your mind for two and a half weeks.

“Widow.” You nearly whispered as you looked over at her. “Newly widowed.”

“Oh, (Y/N). I’m so sorry.”

“Yea… I’m fine.” You said, dismissively as you looked back at the view.

“But are you?” She asked as she reached over to put her hand on your knee.

“I’m a Son. I don’t have a choice but to be.”

“OK, how is that fair to you?” She asked as she scooted over so that she was more in your line of sight whether you wanted her there or not. You snorted a laugh and looked over at her, incredulously. 

“I’m sorry, you wanna talk to me about fucking fair? The only person that I’ve ever fallen in love with was ripped away from me by not one, but two shitty hearts. Born with one that hated him, and then the one UNOS found him shit out in less than a year of our wedding date. Less than a fucking year. That man was a fucking saint that didn’t deserve that fucking life. I’m the piece of shit that deserved to die first. I’m a piece of shit that should have been gunned down decades ago. I’m the piece of shit that…” Your words caught short as you looked over at this stranger beside you, that could easily turn you over to the cops in a heart beat if you said anything incriminating. You shook your head and bit your lip for a moment before continuing.

“No, I don’t deserve to sit and wallow in misery over losing him. I’m not allowed to cry over Denny because I did nothing in my life to be worthy of his love in the first place. All I fucking deserve is one night stands with hot women, and men that aren’t intimidated by strong women, which don’t exist, by the way. I deserve to feel the pain that man felt every single fucking day of his life so that he doesn’t have to anymore because with all I’ve done in my life, I deserved that pain, not him. So no, life isn’t fucking fair, Natasha. Not in the fucking least bit… because otherwise, he’d still be alive and not the trashy biker girl trying to be the big dog in a man’s world. That would have been fair.” She nodded her head slowly before making a move that most wouldn’t dare. She scooted directly up to your side and wrapped her arms around you in a hug. When you tried to pull away, she simply held you tighter until you finally lost it and burst into tears.

“I know.” She whispered in your ear as you reached up and held on to her arm. “It’s OK. It’s all gunna get better.”

“No, it’s not.” You sobbed as you buried your face in her shoulder. She didn’t let go until you had cried yourself out, and once that happened, she sat back and looked at you with a gentle smile.

“Your secret is safe with me.” She whispered as she reached up and carefully wiped your remaining tears away. “Me and some nosy ass birds.” You huffed and looked over where she was pointing at a pair of birds that were sitting on a broken tree branch a few feet away. 

“No one knows.” You sniffled as you shifted enough to pull your bandana from your back pocket. “Scratch that. Two of my brothers know, but not the full extent of it. But Opie… he doesn’t know I was married. My dad doesn’t either. Because they weren’t worth meeting him to me. He was just… he was so amazing in so many ways, Tasha. He didn’t care that I had a dirty past, he understood why I was never gunna bring him to Charming. Shit, I tried so damn hard to get off his case when he first came in to the hospital but he just refused anyone else’s help.” You looked over at her again and rested your arms on your knees with a sigh. “You should run away from me, Tasha. You should run far, far away for me. If I don’t bring misery into your life because of my club, I’ll bring hell to your life some other way…”

“Can I ask you something?” She interrupted as she turned with her back to the sunrise so she was sitting beside your knees facing you. “Do you like waffles more, or pancakes?”

“What?” You asked as you stared at her slack jaw.

“Waffles, or pancakes?” With a smile, she put her elbow on your knee and rested her head on her fist to wait for your answer. “Look sweetheart, I’m thirty-two years old, I live alone in my grandmothers house because she’s in a nursing home with stage 4 Alzheimer’s, I have no other family out there, and I work a dead end job as a waitress on third shift which is the shittiest job in the world. Maybe, I want a little dangerous adventure in my life. Maybe, what I really want is my neighbor’s gorgeous, dangerous, crazy older sister to be the one to bring that adventure in my life…”

“Dude, I just became a widow…” You tried.

“And I’m only attracted to the broken ones that need my help.” She countered. “Look, I’m not looking for love, (Y/N). I’m looking for fun. I was going out of my mind with boredom in this town, and if something didn’t change, I’d be the granddaughter that left her only family in a nursing home to find something to fucking do.”

“Being with me… being anywhere near me is fucking life threateningly dangerous…”

“I know.” She affirmed as she rubbed your thigh. “I’ve seen gangster movies.”

“Ha!” You barked as you grabbed your sunglasses from your kutte. “Wow!”

“Made you laugh. So, let’s go back to my house so I can make us those waffles. I’m starving, and I need sleep soon.”

“Oh, she cooks, too.” You cooed as you got to your feet so you could help her up.

“There’s a lot of things I do, sweetheart.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What is this?” Donna asked as you walked up the drive way on Saturday morning at exactly nine am.

“Taking my niece and nephew to Fun Town.” You said as you gestured them forward. “Ope knows…”

“You’re not taking them to Fun Town.” She sneered with a shake of her head as she tried to stop Ellie from running to you, but she missed her arm by a few inches.

“We’re just going for a few hours.” Opie attempted as he came out to go as well. “Come on, Donna. It’s a family fun day.”

“No. I’m not going anywhere with that woman.” Donna hissed through her teeth under her breath as she turned her back on you. “And neither are my kids.”

“You’d be wise to remember that, like it or not, ‘that woman’ is my sister.” Your sister-in-law pouted subtly as you turned away so that Opie could have some privacy to have the ‘I hate your sister’ fight with his wife yet again.

“Come on, kiddos.” You said with a smile as you put your hands on your niece and nephew’s heads and turned them around. “You guys know Natasha, right?” Ellie and Kenny both nodded as Nat pushed off the side of the black pickup truck that belonged to you and your late husband, that she had gone with you to Stockton to get the day before. “My favorite little trouble makers, Ellie and Kenny. Do not let them lie to you, they are absolutely the worst little brats in the world, and they only get let out of the basement once a month.”

“Aunt (Y/N)!” Ellie shrieked as Kenny punched you in the thigh.

“Yea, yea.” You laughed as you pulled open the back door for him. “I’m a fuckin’ liar. Up you get, let’s go. Did you guys eat breakfast?”

“Kids, say bye to your mom, first.” Opie said as he came up behind you. “She’s not feeling well.” A small smirk spread across your face as you pulled open the drivers side door. “This isn’t funny.”

“What?” You asked as you stepped up on the runner and jumped into the truck with a small huff; a noise that Denny used to make fun of you for almost every day. “I gave you a week warning… Not my fault you were too much of a pussy to tell your wife your evil sister was gunna be nice to her kiddos.”

“Shut up.” He grumbled. “You’re the worst…”

“Get in, loser. We’re going to breakfast first.”

“You can take shot gun.” Natasha said sweetly to your brother as he glanced at Donna’s retreating figure. “You’re much taller than I am.”

“Don’t you turn on shitty trap music.” Opie lectured quickly when he heard your keys jingle. “Donna’s pissed enough.” Your smile grew as you put the key in the ignition.

“Oh no, it’s much better than that.” You met his eyes through the windshield and turned the keys as he walked around to the passenger seat and Tasha got in behind you. His face dropped as Denny’s old Tim McGraw CD, which you had learned to love, started to blare from the custom speakers you had bought more for yourself for Christmas the year before.

“Jesus Christ.” He grumbled as he quickly turned the music down. “When the fuck did you start listening to country music?”

“They used to play it in the the locker rooms for interns to stay awake.” You lied as you glanced back to make sure the kids had their seatbelts on. “Shit just fucking stuck.” As you pulled away from the curb, your brother tried to reach to turn off the radio completely, and you quickly slapped his hand. “Touch that fucking radio and I will fucking kill you.”

“Don’t fucking hit me.” He shouted as he tried to reach for the radio again to at least change it.

“Harry, I swear to God I will cut off your fucking hand!”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Baby…” Tasha said gently from the back seat over your niece and nephew’s giggles.

“Yea, yea…” You conceded as you glanced up at her in the rearview mirror. She gave you a small smile, which you returned with a wink.

“Can we at least turn on something good?” Opie tried, but thankfully, Ellie stepped in.

“I like this song.” She chimed in from the middle seat.

“Thank you.” You cheered, pointedly as you pointed over your shoulder at her.

“Ellie, don’t encourage your aunt.”

“Ellie, encourage all you want, sweetheart.”

“(Y/N)…” Nat tried again, but Kenny reached around his sister and tapped her shoulder.

“All they do is fight like this when we go places. Grandpa says its sibling rivalry because Dad may be younger but he’s bigger, but Aunt (Y/N) has more spunk.”

“Pop’s a fucking idiot.” Ope grumbled as you pulled into a diner parking lot.

“Pop’s a fucking genius.” You giggled.

——

“Is this place seriously still open?” Tasha asked as you as you walked hand in hand into Fun Town, the trashy carnival that was open all year round on the outskirts of Charming at the Lodi boarder.

“I forget that you haven’t been in Charming in a while.” You chuckled with a glance over at her. “Yea, this place is still open. Still giving kids nightmares and tetanus one ride at a time. You two bring your money for tickets?” The pair of kids both protested loudly as you pulled out your wallet. “What? You think I’m made of fucking money now? Shit, looks like we need to go home.”

“Don’t you two worry.” Opie said as he put his hand on Kenny’s shoulder to pull him a step closer. “I’ll pay for the tickets if Aunt (Y/N) is gunna be a bitch.”

“Let’s do… two hundred. Good enough for a few hours of fun.” You looked up at the woman in the booth’s shocked face, since you didn’t blink an eye at being called a bitch, as you pushed a hundred dollar bill through the slot. You snapped your fingers at her when she didn’t move right away and pointed at the money. “Do your fucking job.”

“Babe…” Nat sighed as she covered her face, which she was realizing she was probably going to do a lot with you a few seconds before Opie confirmed it.

“Don’t try to change her.” He said with a shake of his head. “You’ll only piss her off. Just accept that she is a heinous bitch with zero regard for anyone but herself and her loved ones, and you’ll be good. She’s fiercely loyal, she’ll protect you until her dying day, but when she wants something done, she will demand it rudely whether you like it or not.”

“I’m piecing that together.” Your date sighed with a small nod as the determination to bring your softer side out started to curl in her stomach. 

“I’m the embarrassing child.” You told her as you took the sheets of tickets from the woman and stepped off to the side to fold them up so you could pass them out easier. “My cunt mother refuses to be seen with me in public because I’m such an embarrassment to her.”

“Can you not use that word in front of them, please?” Opie asked.

“Don’t use that word.” You grouched, playfully as you pointed at Kenny and Ellie. “Bad word. Take your tickets. Where are we goin’ first?” You turned to follow them toward the Pirate ship, which you were gunna end up riding a dozen times at least, and looked back at Nat. “I’ve told you this once, and I’ll say it again. I don’t give a fuck what people think of me. I’m a piece of shit scumbag in their eyes. No matter how polite or how impolite I am, they are still gunna see me as a fucking scum bag. So why the fuck should I be nice to people who don’t give a fuck about being nice to me in the first place because of my kutte? I’m nice to you, aren’t I? Because you were fucking nice to me. End of story.”

“It’s just easier if you just ignore her little outbursts at people.” Opie said as he climbed the stairs at the back of the small group. “I claim insanity when people give me weird looks.”

“Yea, I don’t think I’m ever gunna call her insane.” Tasha laughed as she slid in to the bench seat first. “Seems suicidal.”

“Only on days that end in ‘y’.” You told her with a smile. “And to anyone else, yes. It would be a very, very bad mistake.”

——

“Guess I got that house on Ross.” You muttered more to yourself as you scrolled through your email on your old work iPhone- which you were purposely keeping on, and active so you could get to anything and everything you had for and on Denny. With a huff, you scrolled through the rest of that email while you waited for the kids to ride the boat… yet again. “Shit, guess I’m really back in fucking Charming."

“You bought a house?” Opie asked as he smoked a cigarette beside you. “Why not just stay at the club?”

“Because I wanna get fucking pussy, and I share a bed with a dick at the club so I can’t get pussy unless I share.” You turned off your screen, choosing to ignore the other sixteen emails of paperwork you needed to sign for leaving your job without any warning, and three from your father-in-law regarding Denny’s will, and took a drag of your own cigarette with a smile up at your brother. “So yes, I bought a fucking house. Don’t want you boys to get a complex when the bitch can make a girl really scream…”

“Goddamn it.” Natasha sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair. You slid your hand across the small of her back to pull her a step closer to you so you could kiss her temple with a smile.

“What, you want the club to hear how loud I make you scream? Oh, baby girl you know I can arrange that if you want…” Tasha shivered in front of you as you tilted her face toward her to give her a chaste kiss while your brother tried to look anywhere but at you. “No, I bought a fucking house to go back to living alone where my shit doesn’t smell like fucking cigarette smoke all the time. Besides that, I have all the shit from my Seattle house sitting in fucking storage and I spent a lotta fucking money on that shit… wait, isn’t that Darby’s guy?” You stood up a little straighter and pointed a sleazy looking, heavily tattooed white guy standing across the amusement park by the porta potties.

“Oh, don’t do it.” Opie grumbled as you moved Natasha behind you. You and your brother watched as Darby’s guy looked around suspiciously for cops, before he not so subtly sold crank to a twitchy, scab covered kid. “And he did it…”

“You wait here for the kids, and take them over to get cotton candy way over there.” You instructed of Natasha as you quickly handed her your entire wallet. “And you fucking keep them over there, you hear me? If something happens, take them home and call Teller-Morrow automotive.” She nodded her head as she wrapped the chain around her wrist, and took your truck keys from your hand.

“He’s moving.” Opie said as he tapped your arm. With a soundless confirmation, you turned back toward him and took the lead across the park. Darby’s guy noticed you a second too late.

“Don’t fucking do it.” You warned with a shake of your head as you put your hand on the knife hanging on your belt. “We both know I don’t miss.”

“Come on, man.” He groaned as he walked backwards behind the Tilt-a-Whirl instead of running off like he had wanted to. “I didn’t do nothin’.”

“What, you calling me fucking blind now?” You asked as you jogged the last couple steps and grabbed the man’s genitals to hold him in place. He let out an inhuman yelp and stood perfectly still as your brother subconsciously adjusted himself and turned side ways to keep watch for you. “Yea… that shit sucks, don’t it. Now, Where’s Darby cooking?” The guy squeaked his answer and a small, positively evil smile stretched across your face. “What was that? Didn’t fucking hear you.”

“Lodi!” He groaned as he tried desperately to get away without touching you because he knew that would just make this worse. “Lodi!!”

“And why the fuck are you pushing crank in fucking Charming, hmm?” The man shook his head and grabbed his jeans in pain.

“Mis… take…”

“Yea, you fucking know it was a fucking mistake now, don’t you mother fucker?” You asked as you shifted your weight from foot to foot, which made your hand shift and twist the slightest bit. “Didn’t expect to get caught, did you?” You shook your head and watched the man’s face contort in excruciating pain. “No, I didn’t think so. Kick off your shoes, and turn out your fucking pockets, now.”

“I don’t have…” He tried but the rest of his lie was cut off with an almost feminine yelp when you tightened your grip and twisted. 

“I said turn out your fucking pockets!”

“OK!” He snarled as he rushed to do as you asked. You nodded slowly and watched as he tossed out a wallet, phone, pack of cigarettes, a small pocket knife, two lighters, a couple folded up bills from the client you had just caught him dealing too, a small wad of money in a rubber band, and finally, a half dozen packets of crank.

“There we go.” You praised as you squeezed your hand a little tighter and glanced back at your brother. “Hold him.”

“Wait…” The guy coughed as Opie pulled him a step away from you while you checked his shoes. “Look, I’ll get outta Charming…”

“Too late, fucker.” You said as you pocketed the cash, checked the pack of smokes, and then went over to double check the guy’s pockets and his belt. “Now… you’re gunna fucking eat this crank cash for being a dumb fucking prick. And I swear to fucking fuck, if I see your fucking face in Charming ever again, I will cut off your fucking dick off with a dull fucking blade and shove it down your fucking throat. So if this is your fucking address…” You sneered as you turned his wallet around toward him and pointed to his ID. “I suggest you fucking move.”

“Aww, come on.” The guy groaned as he pulled against Opie’s grip.

“I’d listen to her.” Your brother told him as he watched you picked up all the packets of meth off the ground. “That bitch is fucking crazy.”

“Wait, stop. Stop!” The guy tried as you pulled open a porta potty door and pulled your knife from it’s holder.

“Don’t sell crank in my fucking town again!” You snapped as the dug the blade through the bags and ripped them all open. The guy groaned and gave up his fight as all his product fell into the piss splattered hole. You dropped the empty bags and brushed your hands off on your jeans as you strolled out of the horrifically smelly teal blue box. “Now I want you to pass on a message to your boss.” Your eyes darted over to Opie for a fraction of a second, letting him know to let this creep go so he didn’t get hit. Your fist went flying into the guy’s jaw before he even knew what happening as he waited impatiently for your message to his boss. 

“You let him know that the fucking bitch is back.’ You growled as you watched the guy spit a mouthful of blood on the ground. “And that I’m fucking coming to pay him a fucking visit real fucking soon for this. Have I made myself clear?” He nodded his head and you instantly slammed your left fist into his stomach as hard as you could. “Stupid fucker.”

“Let’s go.” Ope said as he gestured behind you. “Cops.” With barely a glance over your shoulder, you turned away from Darby’s guy and adjusted your kutte.

“Fucking hate Fun Town.” You muttered to him as you turned to go over and get Natasha and the kids to head home.

“You OK?” She asked as she jumped up from he picnic table she, Ellie, and Kenny was waiting at.

“We’re peachy.” You said as you looked at the snacks on the table. “Couldn’t say no, could you?”

“They gave me the puppy eyes.” She sighed as she handed you your wallet and keys back. “And I was caught off guard.”

“Welcome to being a parent.” Opie muttered as he looked down at his kids, sternly. “Not fucking cool, you two.”

“Told you they were fucking trouble.” You laughed as you picked up an untouched soft pretzel that would probably go to waste otherwise, and ripped off one of the swoops. “Can’t turn your back on them for a second.”

“Let’s go, guy.” Breathed as he tried to figure out what foods he could save and/or reheat at home. “Mom’s gunna be pissed that you ruined dinner.”

“Should I have said no?” Tasha asked as she picked up two large bags of cotton candy, a paper tray of fried Oreos, and a half eaten funnel cake.

“No, baby.” You cooed as her as you tossed out two almost finished corn dogs, a nearly empty bag of popcorn, and took the funnel cake from her hands to toss out as well. “I don’t give a fuck if you ruined dinner or not.”

“I do!” Ope shouted as he came over with some tin foil and a couple paper plates to wrap up the ear of corn Kenny had insisted on, the pickle Ellie had wanted, and the two caramel apples.

“I’m sorry. They just asked and I was trying to figure out…”

“Hey… it’s OK.” You breathed with a smile as you bumped her shoulder. “Stick around. I’ll teach ya. Come on, kids. That includes you, Ope.”

“Fuck you.” Your brother groaned as he gently pushed his tired son forward.


	3. Chapter 3

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Jax asked as he walked into the clubhouse.

“Aren’t you supposed to be not fucking here?” You retorted as you ran the tip of your finger around the rim of your glass. Your friend came to a dead stop and took a couple steps over to you since you were usually much more witty with your comebacks.

“You OK?” You sighed but didn’t take your eyes off the slightly pale strip of skin you had been staring at for almost two hours.

“I don’t know.” You whispered. He nodded his head and sat down beside you as you picked up and finished your drink in one mouthful.

“Can I be truthful with you?” He asked. “If it hadn’t been for… you know… would you have come back at all?”

“Nope.” You said as you grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the other side of bar to pour yourself another glass.

“So do you see what the fuck is wrong here?” With another sigh, you set the bottle down on the bar and looked over at him.

“Jax, I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to kill everything but at the same time, I want to just curl into a fucking ball and cry every minute of every day. I’m literally torn between being two different people and I don’t know what the fuck to do…”

“I know.” He interrupted. “But the main thing here is, you need to come fucking clean with the club. You lost your husband, (Y/N), and you can’t even talk about it to the people closest to you because you’re hiding it from them. Your brother, your old man… your SAMCRO brothers. All of us are here for you. But you’re putting yourself on this un-fucking-touchable pedestal to be the same crazy fucking bitch you were ten plus years ago when you’re not that bitch anymore. You became a doctor, you got married, and you lost the love of your life. That shit changes people. And you can’t go back.”

“Yea, I fucking know that.” You snarled as you picked up your glass. “But coming clean means fucking dealing with it…”

“And if you fucking don’t.” Jax snapped as he stood up, angrily. “You’re gunna eat a fucking bullet.”

“Not like I haven’t already thought about it.” You grumbled as you lifted your cup to your lips and glanced at the security camera feeds on the TV behind the bar. You froze for a moment and blinked a couple times as an older brunette got out of the drivers seat of a rental BMW. “Oh shit.” You whined as you jumped to your feet and set your cup down, harshly.

“What?”

“It’s my fucking mother-in-law.” You took off at a run to get to Linda Duquette before she could use your last name and out you before you were ready. “I got it, Tig!” You shouted at him as you ran out the back door. Linda turned in her spot and stopped as she looked at the woman that looked so familiar and yet so unfamiliar at the same time. You took a deep breath and stopped in front of her with a small shake of your head. “Hi Mom.”

“Thank God, you’re alive.” She gasped as she pulled you into a hug with tears in her eyes. You nodded your head and closed your eyes as she rubbed your back the way she always did. After a few moments, you pulled back to look at her with a tight smile.

“Let’s go talk, OK?” Once she nodded her head, you laced your arm with hers and lead her toward the club house. “It’s… not clean… and probably stinks…”

“I don’t care, honey.” She said as she pat your hand. “You’re my daughter and I’m here to see you.” With a heavy sigh, you lead her through the main room and down the hall toward your shared bedroom.

“Sorry… I share this with one of my brothers. Not my actual brother, because that would be weird. But one of my MC brothers…”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to explain!” She interrupted as she slapped at your hand so that you would stop trying to cover a spot on the bed with Chibs’ morning newspaper. “Stop, just stop.”

“You shouldn’t be here.” You sighed as you tossed the paper aside. “This isn’t a place for you…”

“And it is for you?” She inquired as she watched you push open the two, small bedroom windows and grab a pack of cigarettes off the bedside table.

“I’ve got nothing else to do, Mama.” You said around your cigarette. “How the hell am I supposed to live a normal life without him?”

“(Y/N), come here.” She cooed gently as she pat the bed beside her. She waited until you sat down and put her hand on your knee with a sigh. “Honey…” You nodded your head and started to cry as she pushed your fading blue hair back behind your ear. “I know that there is absolutely nothing I can say right now to make this better. We both lost him, we both lost a big piece of our hearts. But this is not what Denny wanted you to do with your life. Honey, you had so many big plans. You wanted to travel the world, and you were talking about having kids. This wasn’t what you talked about; coming back to the club. You, yourself told me that you would never come back to this place…”

“Mama… I don’t even think I realized what I was doing until I was here.” You looked up and searched her brown eyes, eyes that her son inherited, and shrugged. “I just… one minute I was on the bed, and the next I was on my bike crossing the Charming line.”

“I understand that.” She said as she took your ignored, burnt out cigarette from your hand and got up to put it out in the over flowing ashtray on the desk by the door. “But enough is enough. You need to come and be around people that love you and are there to support you through this. Not be around people that make you fearful enough to carry a gun on you. Yea, I felt it, sweetheart.” She informed as you instinctively reached up to make sure your kutte was closed. “I may be upper class but I’m still a southern girl; born and raised.” You ducked your head, almost in shame, as she sat back down on the bed in front of you. 

“You made a promise to Denny, (Y/N). You made a promise that if anything should happen, you wouldn’t come back here because you didn’t want to come back here and be this person anymore. And I never expected to do this to you, but now I’m holding you to that promise. And I’ll even make you a deal… either go back to Seattle or come to Memphis and stay in the guest house. Six months, that’s all I ask. Start thinking clearly again and if you really wanna come back to Charming, I won’t stop you. But you have to try and live without him, baby. And give it a fair shot. Even if trying to live without him means spending six months crying in your pillow, or traveling to all those places Denny wanted to take you alone. I don’t care. But I made my son a promise, too. And I’m going to keep coming back here until you listen to me…”

“God, that’s where he got it.” You sighed with a small smile and a shake of your head. “I always figured it was his dad…”

“The stubbornness?” She asked with a small giggle. “Yea, that’s from me.” You nodded your head and ran your fingers through your hair as you looked up at the ceiling and the stupid half naked women posters Chibs’ had put up there at some point in time.

“I… umm…” You started as you looked back down at your mother-in-law. “I have a girlfriend…” Linda nodded her head as she dug through her purse for something.

“Is she something special?” She asked as she pulled out a burned disc from her bag. You nodded your head.

“She’s helping me with Denny. She listens…”

“Well far be it from me to stop you from any sort of happiness right now, sweetheart.” You nodded your head and looked down at the disc she was handing you.

“Can you give me a couple days?” You asked as you ran your fingers around the edge of the case. “I just… I don’t know if I’m ready to live without him…”

“You can take all the time in the world, sweetheart.” She said as she reached out to squeeze your hand. “But I will be back in two weeks… and every two weeks after that to check on you…” She tapped the disc in your hand as she stood up to leave. “You watch that soon. Don’t wait, you hear me?”

“Yes, ma’am. And Mom?” Linda turned around in the doorway with her eyebrow raised as you tapped the case against your palm. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby. I’ll see you soon.”

——

“Alright, tissues, ice cream, spoons, paper towels.” Natasha said softly as she set everything down on her bed after work in the early hours of the morning. “Remote…. ahh, here.” You looked over at her as she climbed on to the bed beside you and handed you the remote. “No rush, but I am ready when you are.” You nodded your head as you looked up at her TV, that was paused on a fuzzy photo that you couldn’t make out no matter how hard you tried, and pointed the remote in that direction. Your finger hovered over the play button as Nat pulled her blankets up over both of you and leaned over to grab her cigarettes and an ashtray.

You couldn’t move to even start the video. The only thing you managed to do for almost a half an hour was raise the remote and put it right back down. Ever the patient one, your girl simply smoked a cigarette, and ate some of her after work snack without a word. She didn’t say a word when she got up and put the rest of the carton away, knowing you wouldn’t want any one way or another, she didn’t say a word when you finally hit play and then immediately hit pause again when Denny’s face finally came in to focus. She simply scooted over behind you and pulled you back against her chest.

“Let me.” She said softly as she took the remote from you. You nodded your head and reached up to hold her arm as she hit play.

“Baby…” You whispered as you looked at a video that had to have been made before his heart transplant because Denny was not only laying in a hospital bed but he looked so pale, too.

“Hi, baby doll.” He started with a small smile as he pulled his hands away from his laptop. “Well, if you’re watching this, I didn’t make it off the table. There’s no easy way to make a video like this, I know. Trust me, I’ve been trying for over an hour. But there are some things I want you to know if this is it. First and foremost, I love you. I have loved you since the day you walked into my hospital room and actually fought with me to put my oxygen on. You were always a feisty one. Made my life here so much more entertaining so thank you for that. Now, we have to get down to business…” You smiled as he crossed his arms over his chest as best as he could around his LVAD line and the other wires that were always present at that time. Tears fell softly from your eyes as he glared at the camera as threateningly as possible.

“I swear to you, if you are not working in this hospital when you are watching this, I am going to come down here, and haunt your ass. You are not allowed to run away from your problems because you are sad. I am not worth it.”

“Yes you are.” You whispered as Nat ran her fingers through your hair.

“No, I’m not.” He answered, knowing you better than you knew yourself. “Now, if you are sitting in that biker bar of yours and watching this, prepare to be mega haunted. It’s coming, right now. Wait…” You huffed a laugh as he squinted his eyes for a moment before pointing off to the side. “See, the light flickered. I’m haunting you now.”

“He’s funny.” Tasha said, and you nodded in agreement.

“Now, I gotta get serious.” He announced as he put his hands in his lap. “Look, baby doll. I’m leaving you everything. The houses, the trucks, the money… it’s all going to you. But that’s just material shit we both know neither of us care about. I know this isn’t gunna be easy on you because the thought of possibly having to leave you behind turns my stomach. And I know you well enough to know that you are not a fan of showing or dealing with your emotions because that’s how you were raised. But you have to, (Y/N). You have to deal with this. Because I can’t rest easy knowing that you are gunna be a complete, murderous wreck when I’m gone.

So what I need from you is this. First, stay the fuck out of California. It’s gunna turn you into a heartless bitch and yea, I mean that. I spent a long, long time saving you from that and I just… baby I can’t lose you to that shell of a person. Do you remember how many weeks it took to get you to even smile at my shitty jokes? And I usually get the sympathy laugh because I’m busted. Second, I need you to find someone to make you smile. Preferably a woman because I love you but I don’t think I wanna think of you laughing with another guy. Actually, make sure it’s a woman because of that. One with nice tits like that girl we like watching walk by my room with the dogs… fuck, she’s hot. The red head… you remember? Yea, I know you have a thing for red heads.”

“Damn right you do.” Nat said with a smile.

“Go find yourself a nice red head, far, far away from Charming.” He continued with a smile. “And lastly… and I think this is the most important thing, baby doll.” Your tears started to fall a little faster as you watched his strong facade crumble. “When you find this person… and I know you’ll find them fast… but when you find this person… let them love you. Let them buy you flowers for no reason and don’t fight them for it. Let them see you cry when you feel my loss. Let them make you laugh no matter how much you don’t want to laugh. Let them sweep you off your feet like you fucking deserve because that’s what I planned on doing every single day of my life. Let my memory live vicariously through their laugh and let my love for you flow through them as well. 

And if, by some weird chance you waited to watch this until you were with them, to whoever you are… I am sorry I am giving you such a broken woman. And I am sorry I am asking her to love me through you. But the woman I love is the most complicated woman I have ever met. She doesn’t love easily, she doesn’t let people in easily, and she is quick to push people away if they get too close. She let me in after a couple months of annoying her daily to do so and if using my love to some how lets her see the good in you, then bear with her. She has such a beautiful heart that should be shared but after this, I don’t know how or what to tell you to get her to open up to you other than what I know and I don’t think annoying her will work this time around. Please, stranger… please, if you are in Seattle, get her out of our house on her days off, and make sure she doesn’t work too much. If you’re in Charming… get her the fuck out of there. Take her to Memphis where my parents are… they’ll know how to help.”

“Denny!” You shouted on camera, making you, Natasha, and Denny startle.

“Don’t you know you’re not supposed to scare a fucking heart patient?” He teased as his face lit up like it did every time he saw you.

“Yes but when the hell did I ever listen to what the books told me?” You teased as you bent over the rail of his hospital bed to give him a kiss. “You making another one of those damn video diary things?”

“So what if I am?” He asked as you kicked off your shoes at the end of your shift and laid down on the edge of the bed beside him.

“You know you look ridiculous to anyone walking by sitting in here talking to yourself, right?” He shrugged as he kissed the top of your head, and pulled your braid back over your shoulder so it was out of the way.

“What if I do it just to make you mad, hmm?” He asked as he smiled down at you like you hung the stars in the sky. “What if, I make these video diaries right when I know you are getting off work just to make you come in here and get all mad at me?”

“Oh I believe it.” You laughed as you sat up and reached back behind the bed. “Just like you refuse to keep your fucking oxygen on just to piss me off, too.”

“I do nothing of the sort.” He claimed as you laid back down and put his nose cannula back on. “No, I don’t want it.”

“Quit.” You barked when he fought with you for a moment, just because he could. “Denny quit!”

“Never.” He breathed with a smile when you finally got it in place. You smiled down at him and huffed as you fixed the tubes under his chin. “Can you promise me something?”

“Anything, baby.” He nodded his head and searched your eyes as he reached up and pushed your hair back behind your ear.

“Promise me that you will let me go… (Y/N), promise me.” He grabbed your wrist when you tried to pull away and he held on to the back of your head to keep you still. “Promise me that if I don’t make it out of this, you’ll keep living life. That you’ll do the whole baby thing with those embryos we did, and you’ll keep helping people… even if that means taking my money and going over to Africa like you said you wanted to do to get out of the hospital I die in…”

“You’re not gunna die.” You whispered as a few tears fell from your eyes onto his hospital gown.

“But if I do…” He said as he used his thumb to wipe them away. “Promise me that you will stay strong for me, baby. Please… I need to know you will stay strong for me.”

“I will.” You vowed quickly as a single tear fell from his eye. “I promise, Denny. I promise.” He nodded his head and pulled you down for a kiss and you completely lost it in Natasha’s arms.

“OK.” He breathed as he pulled back to look at you with a smile. “So what did you bring to entertain us tonight?”

“Well, I will only entertain you if you turn that thing off.” You told him as you wiped your tears away and got up to grab your bag.  
“Alright.” He said as he looked up at the camera when your back was turned in the hospital room. “You keep this promise, baby doll.” He instructed softly before he turned off the video.

“Mother fucker.” You choked as you covered your mouth and shook your head. “Damn it, Denny.”

“Here, sweetheart.” Natasha whispered as she held out the box of tissues toward you.

“Can we watch it just one more time? Please… I’m sorry…”

“We can watch it as many times as you want, (Y/N).” She said with a smile as she cupped your jaw in her hand. “You take all the time you need watching it, OK? I don’t mind one bit.”

“You’re too good for me.” You cried as you picked up the remote to start the video again. “Both of you were. I don’t deserve either of you.”

‘That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart.’ Natasha thought as she fixed the pillows behind her back and got comfortable, knowing that you weren’t just gunna settle for one more time. ‘That is absolutely where you are wrong.’


	4. Chapter 4

You were a little out of it as you stood in all black, trying to keep watch over the gun deal and the last drug drop between the Sons and the Niners. You wanted to be a little more present in the moment, hell, it probably would have been very beneficial to your well-being… but all you could think about was your promise. And the longer you thought about it, the more you were hating yourself for not keeping it. And the more you hated yourself for turning your back on your husband and basically spitting in his face by coming back to Charming, the more you wanted to kill something.

“‘ey!” Chibs’ hissed as he pushed your arm. “Pay attention.”

“I’m fucking fine.” You snapped back as you looked over at him. “Fuck off.”

“Ye need ta get yer shite ta’get’a.” He said as he stepped out of Tig’s way so he could grab the last bag of guns.

“If you don’t back the fuck off me right fucking now.” You growled as you pulled your gun out of your kutte, and pulled the slide back. “I will put a fucking bullet in your thick, Scottish skull.”

“Mayans!” One of the Niner’s shouted from down the street. You turned your head in the direction of the lights of a pickup truck but you couldn’t be bothered to move when the shooting started. Instead, you took a step out from behind the door of the SAMCRO van, and started shooting.

“(Y/N)!”

“Bitch, get down!”

“Cover her!”

“Leave her!”

“Get down!”

You ignored everyone and just walked forward toward the action with your weapon in hand. Round after round hit the Mayan’s and their truck, and when one clip was empty, you simply grabbed the next one from the holster under your kutte. You wanted the pain to be gone but with every bullet that hit its mark, it only seemed to grow.

“Come here!” Opie growled as he grabbed you around the waist and hauled you back toward the van.

“Let me go!” You growled as you emptied the rest of your clip and thrashed in your brother’s arms. “Please… I need him! Just let me die!” Your brother threw you in the back of the van as you finally hit your breaking point, and lost it. “Just let me die…” You sobbed as you curled up into a ball by the back door. “I need him…”

“The fuck is wrong with her?” Clay asked as Juice drove the van as far from the drop off as possible. Chibs and Jax exchanged a glance and looked back at you as you pulled your necklace from your shirt for comfort.

“She’ll tell us when she’s ready.” Jax said solemnly. Opie, who had never seen his big sister cry in his entire life, scooted over across the back and maneuvered you so that your head rested on his lap.

“Just let me die…” You sobbed softly as you spun Denny’s ring around your finger. “Please… just let me die…” With a broken heart, he looked up at the rest of the club and rubbed your back.

“I don’t even know.” He told them with a shake of his head as he looked at his hand and the blood from a gunshot wound in your arm you didn’t feel. “But you gotta call Tara… have her meet us at the club house.”

“No…” You persisted as you pushed at his hand so he would stop poking at your arm. “I’m fine.”

“Shoulda just let her get shot.” Clay muttered under his breath as Juice pulled the van up to where your bikers were stashed. You didn’t stop to think and simply whipped around with your engagement ring beside Denny’s wedding band, and slammed both of them with the full power of your punch into his face.

“Shut your fucking face!” You shouted as you were yanked back and out the back door. “You don’t know shit about shit!”

“You ever fucking hit me again…” Clay threatened as he pulled his gun out of his kutte.

“Oh, please fucking do.” You snapped as you yanked yourself out of Jax’s grip. “Please put a fucking bullet in my fucking head and send me home to my fucking husband! Because being dead and with him is a thousand times better than having to fucking put up with your fucking egotistical, maniacal, downright idiotic ideas and your inability to be a decent fucking human being a minute longer. You’re running this fucking club into the ground and you’ve been running this fucking club into the ground since John Teller died. So yea, go ahead and pull the fucking trigger.” You demanded as you took a couple steps forward so that the barrel was right against your forehead. “Pull the fucking trigger, mother fucker. Go ahead. Because I have fucking nothing worth living for on this Earth except for a red head I don’t fucking deserve.”

“You got married?” Opie asked softly behind you as Chibs pulled you back off the currently suicidal edge.

“I did.” You told him as tears filled your eyes again. “And he’s dead. He’s dead because I couldn’t fucking save him. I can’t do this anymore…” With a shake of your head, you pulled off your kutte, something you never expected to do, and shoved it in your brother’s arms. “Don’t worry, I’ll fucking black out my ink.”

“Luv, don’t do this.” Chibs pleaded as you stormed off toward your bike.

“Let her go.” Clay said dismissively and yet victoriously that the girl was finally gone from his club.

“(Y/N)!” Jax shouted as he grabbed your kutte and jogged after you. He grabbed your helmet out of your hand and held on to your handlebar so you couldn’t turn your bike on. “Put this on, now.”

“No, Jax. I’m done…”

“Listen to me.” He hissed as he put the kutte on your lap. “Do not walk out on this club yet. Trust me, I have a fucking plan. Just go to my house. I’ll have Tara meet you there to check your arm…”

“I can fix my own fucking arm, Jax.” You said as you reached for your helmet.

“Put your fucking kutte on, (Y/N)!” You scowled and snatched it out of his hand as Chibs stood between you and Clay as the latter drove away, royally pissed. “Now, we’re gunna go to my fucking house, you’re gunna talk to your fucking brother and your old man about your husband while Tara takes that fucking bullet out of your fucking arm, and then the four of us are gunna fucking talk. But if you ever take that fucking kutte off again, I will shoot you myself, you hear me!?”

“Quit acting like a fucking hard ass, Teller.” You snapped as you yanked your helmet back from him. 

“I’m comin’ too.” Chibs revealed as he jumped on his Harley as the club separated.

“(Y/N)…” Opie said softly as he pulled Jax out of his way. You looked up at him as he cleared his throat, and held out his hand. “I…” You nodded your head as he handed you back your ring necklace and wrapped his hand around yours. After a moment, he leaned forward and just wrapped you in a hug. You burst into tears and buried your face in his shoulder as you realized just how much you needed your family through this.

“Come on, guys. We gotta go.” Jax pointed out as he pat Ope’s shoulder. With a nod, you pulled away and sniffled hard.

“Fuck please tell me someone got that fucking punch on video.” You groaned as you put your necklace back on and tucked it into your shirt.

“Yea, I fucking wish.” Jax huffed.

“’T'was bea-U-tiful!” Chibs called out over the rumble of your bikes.

“Worth it.”

——

“His name was Denny.” You said softly as you sat on Jax’s couch, staring at his beige carpet while putting on and taking Denny’s wedding ring off your thumb. “Denny Duquette. He had a heart condition and came in as a patient when I was an intern. He was… the biggest fucking pain in my ass I have ever met and that’s saying something because I have to put up with you fucks on a regular basis.” The small group huffed laughs as you sat back in your spot and looked up.

“You boys wouldn’t have liked him at all.” You teased as you tucked your legs up on the couch under you. “He was a royal pain in the ass just to be a pain in the ass. Fuck, it was constant. I’d ask him to leave his oxygen on so he would stop coughing and I’d come back in five minutes later and the shit would be on the floor, or across the table… His favorite way to pass the time was turning the TV up as loud as it would go at three am when I was working just so I would come in yell at him to turn it down. Every fucking day it was something else just to break down my walls. And when he did, I fell hard. 

But our love story was not a happy one at first. It never can be when half of the couple basically lives in the hospital. Which meant that I lived in the hospital. But I didn’t care because I was married to a man that loved me, unconditionally, despite the horror stories I told him to try to push him away. Despite the fact that I patched in to the club just to push him away… He still loved me. But our life became a constant circle of half decent days and shitty days as his health slipped farther and farther into hell. I watched him die three different times before they finally found him a heart. And that day…” You huffed and shook your head as you thought of one of the worse days of your life. 

“I thought I was gunna die that day. Like y’all know I have seen, heard, and done some serious shit in my life for the club. I have seen more outrageous bullshit happen in the hospital working random rotations than I could even fucking dream up. Ever wondered what a flashlight up someone’s ass looks like on a fucking X-Ray? Seen it. Ever wondered what an icicle can do to someone’s eyeball? Seen it. OH! Ever wondered what happens to teenagers who shove vodka soaked tampons up their hooches for prom and get too drunk to remember to take them out so they not only have alcohol poisoning but toxic shock, too? Oh, you bet. I’ve fucking seen it. 

But watching my husband lie on a table, with his chest cracked open like an egg, knowing that there was nothing I could do to help him, and that there was a fifty-fifty chance he would make it off that table alive… I didn’t know that you could stop breathing and still live until that moment. I didn’t know true fear… until they took him off bypass to see if his new heart was gunna work or not. I didn’t know how much I needed him in my life… until I was faced with the possibility of really not having him in my life anymore.” With a heavy sigh, you slid the ring on your finger and ran your hands through your hair.

“I’m sorry boys.” You said with a shake of your head as you looked at Piney, specifically. “Pop… I’m sorry. I could sit here and lie to you and say that I wanted to tell you about him but I didn’t. At first, it was because I wanted nothing to do with him, but then, I was more concerned with his health to give a shit about much of anything else. And finally, when I got my husband back, alive and well… well I didn’t give a shit about anything but spending every waking moment I had with him. And I did. I will admit I was the most selfish bitch in the mother fucking world. I took every fucking minute of the next ten months, one week, and three days… right up until the moment I held his head in my lap while his second heart gave out. And I didn’t think about this fucking club… o-once.” You shook your head to back up your statement as your tears fell down your cheeks.

“You boys are my family… but Denny was my heart… and I am… nothing… without my heart. My girl…” You sniffled and licked your bottom lip as you wiped your tears away. “Natasha’s trying to put the pieces back together… but I think I need to listen to her, and my mother-in-law, and the promise I made my husband. I can’t be here anymore. Whether I like it or not, I am not the fucking bitch anymore. I am Doctor (Y/N) Duquette, the widow, and the former biker. Because I don’t know how to be the person I was before him anymore. I mean, for fucks sake, even the old me didn’t walk towards the fucking bullets in a gun fight. It is fucking dangerous for me to be in this fucking kutte right now, for me, for all of you.

When we first started dating, Denny asked me who I was. Not what I did, but who I was. What hobbies did I have outside the club, and the shop, and being a doctor? What was my favorite thing to do on a day off? You know, I didn’t have a Goddamn answer to give him. Because my whole existence had been fixing the cars, and bikes, and the club. The club doesn’t leave much for extra-fucking-circulars. I started figuring that out in my marriage because I figured I had the time. Guys…” You tried as you shifted in your spot. You gave the four men that meant the world to you a tight lipped smile and sighed.

“I love you, guys. You are my family and you always will be. But I have to go. It’s my time. I was never meant to be a Son… shit, it says it right in the name. I’m a woman in a man’s world and it shows. But I think that was the original point with the deal; that I had to graduate college before I patched. I think this is what you guys wanted with that. I just can’t do this anymore.” The guys stayed almost deathly silent when you finally finished and you looked over at Opie for his response first. He leaned back against the couch beside you and ran his hand over his beard but Jax was the first to speak.

“You’re not turning in your kutte.” He resolved with a shake of his head as he sat forward. “You’re not blacking out your fucking ink, you’re not leaving the club. You’re going Nomad for a while as you grieve the loss of your husband. And I don’t give a fuck if it’s ten days or ten years, you will always be a Son.”

“Fuck that.” Ope said as he crossed one leg over the other. “I don’t want you back.”

“Fuck you.” You snapped as you hauled back and punched him hard in the arm.

“Ye really wanna leave ‘gain, luv? We can help ye through this.”

“If I don’t go…” You breathed as you looked over at him with one hundred percent seriousness. “The next shoot out we are involved in, you will be bringing me home in a body bag. There isn’t even a shadow of a doubt in my mind because I know at the other end of that bullet… is my Denny.” They four guys all sighed in defeat as your phone started to ring in your pocket. “Sorry boys, I’m just telling you the truth. Yea?”

“Baby?” Natasha sobbed into the speaker, making your blood run cold.

“What, what happened?” You asked as you shot to your feet. Your girl sniffled on the other end and mumbled something, but before you could ask her to repeat what she said, she managed to choke it out.

“My Nana died.” You let out a small sigh of relief that she was OK and nodded your head as you mouthed the message to your family.

“I’m coming, sweetheart. I’m coming right now.” With a snap of your phone, you looked up at them with a small shrug. “Tasha’ll be coming with me. Get the prospect up. He needs to start planning a fucking funeral.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh, you stupid son of a bitch.” You growled as you put into the driveway of your four bedroom ‘vacation home’ in Memphis.

“What?” Nat asked as she looked at the two pods sitting in the circular portion of your driveway while you waited for the gate to open.

“He had the fucking house painted.” You told her as you gestured to the small privacy wall and the strip of shiplap that ran beside the stone archway to the front door. “Shit used to be a hideous shit beige color… now we have baby blue.”

“Well… isn’t that good?” She asked as you pulled your truck down the driveway on the right side of your house toward the garage.

“No, it is.” You sighed with a vague gesture toward the similar toned siding. “I just fucking told him to fucking wait for summer when we came down here and… he bought the fucking knucklehead. Son of a bitch!” You slammed your hands on the steering wheel as you looked at the frame and the boxed engine of the bike you had been searching for to rebuild for years. “If this man wasn’t dead already, I’d fucking kill him.”

“So you’re mad at him for painting your house the right color, and buying you a… broken motorcycle?”

“It’s… shit… the knucklehead, I wanted to buy for myself to rebuild. The house was gunna give him something to do while I worked on the bike. It was supposed to be a damn work in progress. And if I know him as well as I do, the rest of the house has already been redone as well.” You threw your truck in park on the left side of the three car garage and sighed, loudly. “Damn it. Just damn it.” You ran your fingers through your hair and hit your head against the head rest. Your heart broke impossibly more as you reached out for Natasha’s hand. “I’m sorry. I can’t…”

“Hey…” She whispered softly as she squeezed your hand. “It’s OK. We knew this was gunna be hard, especially three weeks before your first anniversary without Denny. We knew moving into the home that you were gunna spend your summers vacationing in and fixing up was gunna be hard. But we’re doing it together, right? We are in this through the fights, and the tears, through the bad memories, and the good. We’re here together through it all. And don’t forget, we still have to unpack our pods. We both know there’s gunna be a whole bunch of tears, and cursing involved in that. I know I have boxes from my parents that I have never gone through so we both get to have so much fun with that.”

“I don’t deserve you, Natasha.” You rolled your head on the head rest and shook your head as your thumb brushed across her hand. “I deserve to be alone, not putting you through dealing with me and my stupid dead husband shit. You should have just stayed in Charming where my toxic…”

“Whoa, whoa.” She interrupted. “OK, first of all, you are not toxic. I like being with you, (Y/N). What you’re going through is hard. When you’re not all mopey, you’re actually really sarcastically funny. And most days, we are prefect. We have tickle fights in bed to wake up, and you bring me ice cream after work that usually involves a movie night that always lead to some amazing sex. You dance with me in the kitchen when we cook breakfast even if you do pretend that you hate it, and you do an amazing job of washing my back in the shower because we both know it is just… way too damn hard to wash your own back.” You finally giggled and nodded your head, knowing that she was right, and that you really hadn’t payed attention to any of that in the last two months. 

“Baby, we are just fine. You do deserve me. We just need to make it through the hard days, right? So today’s turning out to be a hard day. OK, then. Pretty sure I saw a Kroger a block back and a Cici’s pizza on the same sign. So… let’s get the boxes out of the back, and let’s get the motorcycle off the trailer and go for a little ride in our new home town before we stuff our faces full of pizza and those little sticky buns that they have, and we’ll top it off with whatever movie we can find on my laptop, and as many pints of Ben and Jerry’s as I can fit in my little backpack purse.” You smiled wide as you reached over and cupped her jaw in your hand.

“What the fuck would I do without you, Tasha?”

“You’d probably go crazy.”

“Yea… yea, you’re right there.” You blew a raspberry at the air in her direction as you turned off the van. “Alright, let’s go see what else this asshole didn’t listen to me about. I kinda hope one of those things is a bed. I really hope we have a fucking bed tonight.”

“Oh, agreed.”

——

You knew it was coming, and you tried not to think about it, but apparently, your brain hated you. The night before your anniversary, your dreams kept showing you Denny’s death. You gave up trying to sleep shortly before two am and wandered out to go work on the knucklehead. Instead, you ended up in Denny’s old office, watching his video diaries on his Mac computer for the first time… which were so much more than just video diaries. 

“So this is entry one.” A younger Denny said under his breath to his laptop as he laid in his hospital bed. His brown eyes kept darting around the open windows and the propped open door, looking for something, or more specifically, someone. “This is the first day I saw you. Didn’t catch your name… but I know for a fact it’ll be Duquette one day. Shit, you’re a little firecracker, too. (Y/H/C) in an unbrushed pony tail, no make-up on your gorgeous face, hint of some ink on your right arm… Sweetheart, I really hope I get the chance to show you this video one day because holy shit, you’ve already got my busted heart in your hands.

I wanna know what stories you have from your life. You look like you’ve seen a lot of shit, I’m gunna figure out what those stories are. But my guess, you won’t give it up easy. My guess, getting to know you is going to be a rocky, uphill battle with no breaks, no give, no nothing. Just sheer anger and attitude. Well, I’m up for the challenge.” He glanced over at the camera with an award winning smile and nodded his head. “Oh, yes I am…”

“Denny!” You snapped as you stuck your head in his room and pointed at him, threateningly. “You put that oxygen on, now!”

“I can’t reach it.” He said as he stretched weakly toward the oxygen mask he had tossed on the chair in the corner on purpose.

“Oh, I swear.” You growled as you stomped into the room with a giant attitude and snatched the oxygen mask up. You stood next to the bed and held it out to him as you glanced over your shoulder for the attending. “You throw this again, and I’m taping it to your face.”

“Well what if I like making you come in here?” He chuckled with a smile up at you as he put on the mask.

“Too freaking bad.” With a roll of your eyes, you stormed back out of his room, and he looked over at the camera. 

“Oh yea… I’ll break down those walls. You’re definitely worth it.” As the video cut out, a smile pulled at the corner of your lips as tears welled in your eyes. You quickly reached out to click on the second video as you tucked your feet up on the desk chair.

“Alright, I’m recording this for my records. We’re being extra rude today.” Denny started as he watched you try to stick a new IV needle in his arm since he had removed the first one. You remembered this day well; it was the first day Denny refused to let any of the other staff do anything for him- only you. “Ow! And extra poky!” 

“This is your own fault.” You said in a sing song voice as you tried to find a good vein that wasn’t collapsed or heavily scared from years of hospital visits. “You could have just left the old IV in.”

“It hurt my arm.” He replied quickly as he tilted his head to try and see your tattoo. “What’s your ink of?”

“It’s a reaper.”

“Can I see it?”

“No. Duquette, hold still.”

“I will when you show me.” You scowled down at him as he started to swing his arm out of your grip on purpose. 

“I’m not showing you…”

“Then I’m not giving you my arm.”

“I will shoot you up with Ativan…”

“You know as well as I do you’ll kill me if you do.”

“Right now, I can’t say I don’t want to.” You growled at him as you put down the IV needle and took off your gloves. “You better not fight me after this, you hear me?” He nodded his head and smiled broadly as you pulled up the sleeve of your light blue scrubs.

“Holy shit.” He said as he looked at the realistic pinup of a large breasted, red-headed woman, wearing a reaper hood and cape, straddling a Harley knucklehead, just like the one that was currently in your garage, that had ‘SOA’ painted on the tank. She was holding a thin bladed reaper scythe in front of her nipples, that were barely covered by a white, see-through ‘wet’ SAMCRO cropped t-shirt. On her visible hip, was a red anarchy ‘A’, she had on barely there jean shorts held up by a belt with a subtle, tasteful skull shaped belt buckle, and she was rocking knee high, black, lace up high heel boots. “That’s amazing.”

“She’s my bitch.” You said as you pulled your sleeve back down to go back to work. “Arm.”

“Wait, I wasn’t done looking…”

“Well I’m done showing.” You retorted as you grabbed a new pair of gloves and a new IV needle. “Come on, I got shit to do.”

“Why a pin up? Why that specific pin-up.”

“Denny, I swear to fuck.” You growled under your breath as you pulled out his arm to do your job. “Please? Will you be nice if I say fucking please?” He chuckled and nodded his head as he held out his arm for you.

“Just for you.”

“Thank you.” You snarked as you found a new vein and placed the IV. “Don’t fucking rip this shit out again, you hear me?”

“Yes ma’am.” He replied with a nod as you collected everything to leave. He waited to watch you walk away before he looked over at the camera. “Not even a full day and I already got you to push down a brick. I’m making progress.” You huffed a laugh as he ended the video.

“Oh, baby, what am I gunna do with you?” You asked as you wrapped your arm around your bent legs and clicked on the next video. With a smile, you clicked on the next video to watch your relationship unfold in anywhere between 2 and 8 minute increments. After about two hours of watching, falling in love with your husband all over again, Tasha came in to figure out where you had gone and if you were OK.

“They weren’t video diaries.” You said with a smile as you waved her over. “He’s been making videos for me since the first day he saw me.” She cocked her eyebrow at you as you put your legs down and pat your lap. “This idiot…” With a matching giggle, she came over and sat down on your lap as you queued up the next video. You wrapped your arms around her waist and kissed her shoulder as Denny’s face popped up on the screen once again.

“You know, sweetheart.” He whispered as you dozed in the far corner of the room, ‘monitoring’ his vitals overnight because he had been having irregular arrhythmia all day. “I had a really shitty dream just now about you. More like a nightmare. You went back to that fucked up club of yours and I was just stuck in this fucking bed. You were so broken- I could see it in your eyes. I tried calling you but I couldn’t make a sound. God, I can’t stand the thought of you back in that place, not because of the danger or anything… I know you can handle that. But because of the dead look you get in your eyes when you talk about it. 

Baby doll… I need you to know something that I don’t think I will ever have the guts to say to your face. I hate that you were a biker. Not in the ‘eww that’s disgusting’ kinda way. But in the ‘I hate that it makes you this… heartless, empty shell of a human being capable of unspeakable things’ way. I know you’ve only told me a fraction of it, and I know there is a lot more you will never tell me. That club… it sounds to me like it turns out monsters. I just… I don’t even know what to say about it. Because I know that had you been raised in any other situation, you wouldn’t be this jaded.

I want the world for you, (Y/N). I really do. I want to give you the world you deserve. And I hate that theres a strong possibility that I won’t be able to. But it kills me to think that you could go back to that club…”

“You need to leave my club alone.” You grumbled, sleepily from the corner as you shifted on the chair. “Go to sleep, asshole. It’s like 4 in the morning. Your heart needs sleep.”

“Your heart needs sleep.” He mocked before he turned off the video. You froze for a moment and stared at the screen.

“Jesus… it’s really that bad…”

“Yea, sweetheart.” Tasha sighed as she leaned back as far as she could and put her arm around your shoulders. “It’s that bad. But… like Denny did, I know that you are worth saving from that club. You are an amazing woman, (Y/N), and I’ve only seen the broken part of you. I am so excited to one day get the honor of meeting the (Y/N) he got to know. I would love to see you smiling every single day, and not the forced smile I’ve seen many times before, and I would love for other people to hear your laugh. It’s a good one, very contagious.”

“So I have the chicken pox of laughter?” You joked as you shifted both of you to sit a little more comfortable.

“It’s kinda like the pink eye of laughs.” She teased as she ran her fingers through your hair. “The plague, maybe.”

“Oh, now you’re just pushing it.”

“I know.” She sighed. “But seriously, baby. That club is toxic. I know it’s not some new news to you. You basically said it yourself when you met me. And I think the longer you’re away from it, the more you will see that. And I know, the thought of doing that without Denny is scary right now, but I know in time, you will be happy again. You just… we both, need time. Loss is hard, one way or another. That and distance are what you need. I think, coming to Memphis was the best idea you could have had right now. But you gotta believe you can get over Denny. That’s gunna be your only obstacle. Not forget, but move on. Live your life, spectacularly. Make him proud… make us proud of the woman you are, you know?” You nodded your head as you reached up to brush her hair back behind her ear.

“I will never deserve you.”

“You already do.” She said as she leaned down and gave you a chaste kiss before getting up. “Alright, I’m going back to bed. You joining me?”

“Well I think I’m gunna…” You started as she pulled off one of your SAMCRO shirts and dropped it on the ground. “Fuckin’ a… yea, I’m coming.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey baby!” You yelled as you walked through your house to the master bedroom from the garage. “I finally gotta run up to Harley to order parts for the knuckle head. You wanna go for a ride?”

“Ummm…” You heard Natasha hum from the closet she was reorganizing for the third time in three weeks because she was getting stir crazy. You had told her countless amounts of times that she was more than welcome to take your truck and go explore, but she had always insisted that she was fine. “Are you taking the bike or the truck?”

“Which one would you like me to take?” You asked as you leaned against the door frame of the decent sized walk in. She looked over at you and sighed.

“Baby, I need some warmer clothes. It’s getting colder and your nicer shirts are all too small in the chest and while I like your SAMCRO long sleeves, they just aren’t cute.”

“That’s because you have tits for days and all those shirts are specially tailored to me for business meetings at the hospital and I couldn’t care less if I look cute or not in my SAMCRO shit. So what do you want to take; bike or truck?”

“Can we the bike? I really wanna take the bike.”

“Mmm…” You moaned with a nod of your head. “Fuck, you are so my girl. Yes to the bike, but you’re limited to the amount you buy if you wanna keep shit neat and unwrinkled.”

“I can steam it.” She said as she jumped to her feet. “Yay! Shopping!”

“You are too cute, you know that?” You chuckled as you wrapped your arm around her middle and kissed her cheek. “Dress warm, we got a pretty good drive to the dealership.” With an excited squeal, she clapped her hands and kissed your cheek before pulling away to get dressed. You simply grabbed a worn leather jacket and slid it on over your grease stained Reaper Crew long sleeve as you looked at your kutte hanging up at the very end of the rack. It had been three weeks since you had put it on and after the videos you saw that morning, there was a small part of you that was disgusted with the sight of it. You pulled it off the hanger and ran your fingers over the Redwood Original patches before folding it in half and walking over to put it up on a shelf beside a box of Denny’s old clothes you didn’t know what to do with yet.

“You sure?” Tasha whispered as she rubbed your back.

“I’m sure.” With a small sigh, and a tight lipped smile, you turned around toward her and gestured out the door. “Come on, places to go, money to spend. Out, out, out.”

“I’m going, I’m going!” You giggled as you spanked her ass and flipped off the closet light.

——

“Hey… pull in there.” Tasha called out over the wind as she pointed to a nearly empty parking lot. Your eyebrows flew to your hairline as you slowed your bike and pulled into the lot.

“Are you serious?” You inquired as you pulled into a parking spot, looked up at the XXX sign on the side, and turned around to look at her. Your normally shy girlfriend, who had relied mainly on her shower head before she met you, nodded as her pink cheeks darkened the slightest bit.

“I just… you said yours morphed in storage. And I really liked that one. If this is OK, I mean…”

“Oh, it’s perfectly fine, sweetheart.” You laughed as you turned off your bike. “I am never gunna say no to taking my girl to a porn store. After you, my lady.” You took her helmet as she got off the bike and looked around at the slightly run down looking building. You took the nearly full duffle backpack from her and laced your fingers with hers.

“Hello, ladies. Welcome to Jack and Jill.” A younger woman who looked like she was in her mid twenties said from behind a raised-on-a-platform counter. “Just so you know, it’s ladies night, so you’ll get an extra twenty percent off of the five percent Valentines Day sale for your purchases tonight. Umm… we just have a store policy that larger bags like yours must stay up by the registers. But I made them install a special camera, and a lockable box because they used to just make you leave the bags with me and that seemed a little sketchy… Men, am I right?”

“They don’t learn with age.” You said as you took the lock and key from her and headed around the camera to where a large fake treasure chest was sitting open and empty. You locked up your duffle and slid the key around your wrist as the associate told you to feel free to ask questions while picking up her laptop to go back to her Netflix show.

“You get whatever you want.” You told Natasha as you wrapped your arms around her waist and rested your chin on her shoulder. “No matter what it is. You wanna try something? Let’s do it.” She nodded her head and gently rubbed your crossed arms as she looked at the anal plugs in front of her.

“Have you ever used one of these?” You nodded your head as you stretched your arm out and grabbed a larger silver Princess plug with a jewel on the end of it.

“Gives feeling full a whole new meaning. Wanna try?” You nodded her head and looked at the package in your hand, hesitantly.

“That looks kinda big though…”

“It is.” You said quickly as you grabbed a much smaller, starter Princess plug. “We’ll start with this, OK? And if you don’t like it, we don’t use it again for you. I happen to love them. What other secret kinks you got?” She shrugged as you let her go so you could pick up and look at a Saint Andrews Cross bondage set that slipped over and was secured by a door.

“We could try it.” She nearly whispered beside you. “If you want, I mean…”

“Tasha, it’s not what I want when it comes to bondage. It’s what you want. I will not ever make you do something you don’t want to do…”

“I know.” She said as she turned toward you and took the set from your hand. “I just… I don’t know if I’ll like it… but I can try…”

“And that is all I’ll ever ask of you, baby.” You cooed. “And if you don’t like it, we don’t do it again. Simple as that.” She nodded her head as she reached out and quickly grabbed a whip that there is no way in hell she was gunna like and tried to hand it to you. “No, I’ll veto that one. That’ll hurt a lot more than you think. I have one at home that you’ll like.”

“Are you… like… a Domme?”

“Ummm… yes and no.” You shrugged as you grabbed a couple strapless, strap on boxer brief style harnesses that you liked most, and one or two for Natasha to try on if she wanted to. “I don’t like controlling every aspect of someones life. I just like controlling when you get to come. But you know that already.”

“Oh, I’m aware.”

“That’s kinda the extent of my Domme-ness.” You continued as you grabbed one of the strategically placed stacks of baskets and dumped your purchases in it. “Just like your submission to me. I know just by looking at you that you are not submissive, except for to me.”

“True. But I also was pretty freaking straight before you.” You paused with your hand outstretched toward a strapless dildo and looked over at her with your eyebrows raised.

“How the fuck am I just now finding out about this?” She shrugged her shoulders and pretended to read the back of a g-spot targeting vibrator as her face flushed scarlet.

“I told you that.”

“Oh no. Fuck no you did not, because being your first girl is something I would have remembered…”

“Does it matter?” She interrupted as she looked up at you. “And you weren’t my first girl… just my first girlfriend. I’ve had two threesomes with exes… you’re just the first girl I’ve actually wanted to spend more than one night with.” You smiled broadly and took a step forward to cup her jaw in your hand.

“So are you.” You said with a nod. “My first real girlfriend, that is.” Her smile grew as you bent down to give her a chaste kiss. “Alright, you keep me going with the sappy, and I’m just gunna take you in the back and test out all these dildos on you.”

“Ummm…. that’s kinda what I want, baby.”

“You better shop.” You said quickly as you pushed her shoulder away from you before you got the wrong idea. “Shop you devil woman. My God.”

——

Natasha stood at the foot of the bed, staring at almost five grand worth of new sex toys, trying to figure out just where she wanted to start first. You walked back in to your room with the cleaned out box of old toys, which now only consisted of the ones you had either never used on another woman, or ones that could be thoroughly cleaned and sanitized. Which basically left a couple personal dildos, a pair of handcuffs, and the black flogger.

“You look like you’re having a hard time deciding.” You commented with a slightly sinister smile as you set the box on the bed and looked over at her. “Don’t worry, sweet girl. You didn’t have a choice in the first place.” She physically shivered as you started grabbing some of the more wild ones to put away for later use. “Don’t know why you’re still dressed.”

“Damn, I love how you can do that.” She giggled as she stripped out of her clothes. You set aside a strapless dildo, one of the boxer harnesses to help out anyways, and a cute little finger bullet that the clerk said was the strongest she had ever felt. You covered the rest of the toys back up and pushed the box under the bed before taking your own shirt off and dropping it on the ground.

“Come here, baby.” You cooed as you crawled on to the bed and called her towards you with your finger. She smiled broadly and scrambled up the king size mattress between your legs to lay on top of you. You ran your fingers through her hair and cupped her jaw in your hands to giver her the first of many lingering kisses. “Fuck, you are so fucking beautiful.”

“I am not alone in that department here.” She said as she slid her arms behind your back to hold your shoulders. You hummed and dragged your fingers down her sides to make her squirm the slightest bit. When you hit her ass, your grabbed ahold of it firmly and used it to pull her up your body. You pulled her right leg up over your hip so you’d have easier access to her gorgeous pussy. Instinctively, she rolled her hips back to give you even more room as she tilted her head to kiss the spot on the side of your neck that always made you melt.

“(Y/N)!” You heard someone yell from just down the hall outside your bedroom door. “I’m coming in!” Your blood ran cold and you and Nat quickly lurched away from each other. Tasha made it into your ensuite, and you managed to get your shirt back on just as your mother-in-law walked in to your room. She looked at you, the sex toys still on the disheveled bed, and glanced over at the bathroom door after it closed. “Oh… oh, shit.”

“What can I do for ya, Ma?” You asked, impatiently as you pulled the toys behind your back. “Since you’re just walking into my house, now.”

“I’ve been calling you for hours.” She said as she looked back over at you. “And so has the clinic holding your embryos. They’re closing down at the end of the month because they lost their funding… (Y/N), you will lose those babies if you don’t get up there…”

“Mother fucker.” You groaned as you fell back against the headboard. “OK, can you give me a minute here? You caught me at a really bad time.” She nodded her head and took a step back as she glanced over at the bathroom door again.

“I still look forward to meeting you!” She called out to your girlfriend, who was listening intently at the bathroom door. 

“Ma!” You snapped with a shake of your head. “Bad timing. So bad.”

“Alright, I’m going.” She said with a nod as she grabbed the door and pulled it closed behind her. You let out a huge sigh as you jumped up and grabbed your girl’s clothes.

“What does that mean?” She asked as she stuck her head out the door to see if the coast was clear.

“It means I could lose my babies.” You said as you looked up at her with as much strength as you could. “Embryos don’t take to transfers very well. If I move them farther than to another bank in Seattle, I could lose them completely, but I don’t wanna leave them in Seattle if I don’t have to. It’s not the end of the world because I can always do in vitro with a donor down the line but…”

“They wouldn’t be Denny’s.” She finished for you as she got dressed in the doorway. You nodded your head and swallowed thickly but before you could say anything else, Nat took a step forward and cupped your jaw in her hand. “Baby, I have no say in this situation what-so-ever. Zero. If you want to go up there, try in vitro to see if you can have at least one of his kids, and try to bring the rest down here if the first time doesn’t work, then you go ahead. You want to just risk moving them for now, do that. I know you don’t want to let them go so I won’t even entertain that idea. But one way or another, I am here with you. I will stand by whatever decision you make… and let the record show, I think you’d look sexy as fuck pregnant.” You smiled at her as she pulled her shirt on and stepped up to wrap her arms around your neck. “I won’t be mad at you for wanting this, if you think I would be.” She continued, sweetly. “You had this dream long before I came along. I am absolutely not stepping in the way.”

“I know you’re not, baby.” You said with a nod. “But you understand, this is a life changing thing. We could be having a baby. A real life, living, breathing, dependent human being that will change our lives forever.”

“Yep. I know.” She chimed in with a nod. “But look at it this way. If I was a guy, there are such things as pregnancy scares. So just… consider this a reverse pregnancy scare?”

“God, you’re a dork.” You laughed as you kissed her cheek. 

“What?! It is!”

“Alright.” You sighed with a nod. “Fuck. Pack a fucking bag. We gotta head to Seattle for a month or so.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking into Seattle Grace hospital was the absolute last thing you ever wanted to do and you waited until the very last minute to do so. You felt sick to your stomach, for more than one reason, as you walked through the halls toward your OB-GYN; a former co-worker and a friend you hadn’t spoken to in over 4 months, with Natasha’s hand gripped firmly in yours.

“Hey… it’s OK.” She whispered softly as she held on to your wrist so you wouldn’t rip her arm out of the socket with how fast you were moving.

“Duquette!” You came to a dead stop and closed your eyes as your former attending marched down the hall on your right toward you.

“Shhhiiitttt.” You groaned as you rolled your head and looked at the five foot even woman that terrified you. “Dr. Bailey…”

“Get in here.” Miranda Bailey snapped as she grabbed your arm and yanked you back a step toward a janitorial closet. You pulled Natasha in the dark room behind you and held your breath for a moment, knowing that shit was about to hit the fan. “What the hell happened to you? I have been calling you for months to figure out if you were even alive anymore….”

“I couldn’t come back.” You whispered with a shake of your head. “I tried, Bailey. I really did. But I just couldn’t get off my bike. And then the next thing I knew, I was back in California. And I couldn’t come back. Even being back here now is killing me.”

“Sweetheart.” Miranda sighed as she took a step forward and shook her head. “We both know you are stronger than this. You can make it through this…”

“I am.” You interrupted with a nod as you glanced over at Natasha. “Moving on a little more, day by day.” She nodded her head and glanced between the two of you with a furrowed brow.

“Wait, if you couldn’t come back here, why are you here?”

“Well… we’re actually here to see Arizona… to see if my first round of in vitro took or not.”

“Oh, good for you!” She cheered. “His?”

“His.” You clarified with a nod. “Spur of the moment. The sperm bank on Richmond is closing down and I had to pull my embryos. I’m down in Memphis now, so I figured I’d at least try a round in case they didn’t make it down there. We’re just… here to check and then heading down to California for a day to wrap up things there, and heading home… hopefully, with a bun in the oven in tow.”

“Well when your appointment’s over, you do have some paperwork you gotta fill out. And I know… I know we have some of his possessions…”

“That’s why I brought my girl with me.” You said as you gently pulled Tasha forward. “Bailey, my girlfriend, Natasha Romanoff. Tasha, my former boss, and the only woman alive that actually scares me, Dr. Miranda Bailey.”

“I’m really not that scary.” Your former boss said as she shook Nat’s hand.

“Yea she is.” You countered as you gestured to the door with your thumb. “But I do have to go…”

“Yea, yea. Go, go.” With a small nod and a soft good-bye, you left the closet with your girl and continued through the halls toward the neonatal unit. Arizona, who had already caught up with you over coffee the week before when you asked her to do your check up for you, happily pulled you into a hug, shuffled you into a room, and dragged an ultrasound machine in after you.

“What, we’re just abandoning the blood tests?” You asked with a laugh as you unbuckled your belt.

“We’ll do it after, just strip, and sit down already.”

“Bossy.” You did as you were told and laid down on the table as she set up what she needed at the end of the exam table. You girlfriend stepped up to your side and took your hand for support.

“It’s gunna work.” She said, confidently as she kissed your knuckles. “I know it.”

“Holy fuck, this was a bad idea. This is a very, very fucking bad idea.” You shook your head and squeezed Nat’s hand as Arizona started the internal ultrasound.

“It worked.” She said after the second longest moment of your life. “One of the six implanted.” You instantly choked on your breath and shook your head as you reached out to turn the ultrasound machine toward you.

“Oh, holy shit. Shit, this is really happening.”

“His memory lives.” Natasha said as she leaned down on her elbows beside your face. “His memory will live on forever, baby. His name, his legacy… they will live on because of that little blob thing right there. I think that’s a baby. I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking at.”

“It’s a baby.” You huffed as you reached out to point at the screen. “The black spot is the gestational sac, and then this little grey line is the yolk sac which is the baby.”

“Which looks healthy as can be.” Arizona said for you as she pulled the machine back toward her but kept the screen facing you. “I’d say it’s gunna be a Sagittarius. Mid December would be your due date- the 15th.”

“Yea, I’d agree with you on that.” You said with a smirk. “Stupid Zodiac signs…”

“They are nothing to laugh at.” Your friend said as she pulled the wand out to clean up so she could go back to work. “You want blood work…”

“I want all the blood work.” You said as you sat up and grabbed your jeans. “Every possible test you can think of…”

“Yea, that’s what I thought.” She laughed as she pulled up your chart in her iPad and handed it to you. “You go crazy… but not too crazy…”

“Bite me.” You grumbled as you sat down on the exam table and started putting in orders for blood tests.

“I’ll keep her reigned in.” Nat said with a smile as she took the small stack of ultra sounds for you. “I’ll try to at least. I’m Natasha, by the way.”

“The girlfriend I’ve heard so much about. So nice to meet you. Good luck with this one, she’s a lot to handle.”

“Am not.” You said as you continued to click on blood tests that were completely unnecessary. Arizona just arched her eyebrow and yanked the tablet from your hands.

“You do not need to find out if you have a Vitamin D deficiency to make sure your baby is OK, because I swear to you, you do not have a Vitamin D deficiency.”

“Robbins, you better hit that button.” You said as you tried to lean forward for iPad.

“I left it, but you’re done. I have to get back to work. I love you, congratulations, I will make sure I have your chart printed out when I come back in for you. But you better make sure that you bring that baby back up to see us sometime… Denny… he meant a lot to all of us… you both did.” With a nod of her head, she turned and headed out of the room to let one of the nurses know she needed blood work on you. You sighed and looked over at Natasha.

“I shouldn’t have done this to you. Having his baby…”

“Yea, you should have.” She said as she rubbed your back and showed you the ultrasounds. “See… you have a baby. Cute little button blob. Look at the blob.”

“Tasha, you continue to call my baby a blob and you won’t get the joy of holding that blob when it’s all cute and adorable and grown. And you can sleep on the couch.”

“Fine, it’s not a blob.” She laughed as the nurse came in to draw your blood for you. “A worm, maybe.”

“Couch, bitch.” You spat as you pushed her away from you. “Rude!”

“Kinda inch worm ish.” She said more to herself to lighten the mood so that you weren’t focusing on Denny when you should be focusing on the positive situation you were in. “Inch-y. Yea, that’s what I’m gunna call it.”

“I really wouldn’t do that if I were you, woman.” You said as you glanced up at her as you drew your own blood single handedly. “You just remember the conversation we were having when we found out about this little inch worm…”

“What conversa… oh.” She said as you mimicked fucking in the air with the full tube of blood before you set it down to grab the last one. “Oh!”

“Yea.” You said with a nod. “You keep that box in mind next time you wanna pick on our future child.”

“Our?” She clarified as you handed the nurse the last vial and pulled out the needle.

“You’re my girlfriend, you sleep in my bed, and you live in my house, too. It’s gunna be just as much yours as it is mine so you better get used to it, Mommy. You’re just as responsible for this pregnancy as I am, bitch.” She smiled broadly and looked down at the photos in her hands as her new reality set in.

“I’m gunna be a Mommy.” She whispered as she touched the black spot gently.


	6. Chapter 6

“Do you even know how cute you are?” You called out as you pulled up to a stop at the stop light by the club house on a rented Harley.

“Why?” Natasha asked as she leaned to the side to see and hear you a little better.

“Because you’ve been rubbing the blob for the last half hour with your thumb.”

“Shut up.” You laughed as she sat up straight to hide her blush. You chuckled and looked over at a new rumble of a motorcycle.

“The hell are you doing in town?” Jax yelled as he stopped beside you.

“Oh, you know. Fucking, fighting, announcing a pregnancy, no big deal.”

“Hey! Congratulations!” He called as the light turned green. You bobbed your head and pulled partially to the side to fall in line, respectfully with Chibs, Bobby, Juice, and Opie. You huffed a laugh and reached down to pat Tasha’s hand and brush your thumb over your non-existent bump as well. She leaned forward and kissed the back of your neck as you turned into the lot beside your brother.

“What’s Jax yelling about?” Ope inquired as he walked his bike backward into its spot beside you.

“Oh, you know.” You responded vaguely as you reached into your kutte to pull out the ultrasound you were leaving with him. “Just the fact that I’m carrying a blob.” Your little brother glanced at what you had in your hand and did a double take before he snatched the photo from your hand.

“Fuck off.” He said as he looked up at you and your girlfriend. “You two are having a baby already?”

“Denny’s.” You said with a nod as you dropped your helmet on the handlebars. “Had an issue with the place I was keeping his embryos. Long story short, I tried in case I lost them all together.”

“Well good for you.” He said as he bent down to kiss your forehead. “Enjoy never sleeping again.”

“Yea, because I sleep like a fucking rock already.”

“Hey, Mama.” Chibs said with a smile as he pat your shoulder. “Congrats.”

“We’re at the table in five.” Clay yelled from the back door before he swore under his breath when he saw you.

“Hell’s going on?” You asked as you gently pushed your girlfriend toward the clubhouse. “Go inside.” Chibs waited for her to get out of earshot before he dropped his arm over your shoulder.

“Mayans ‘it one’a our gun warehouses. We’re votin’ for retaliation.”

“OK, where do we stand?” You asked as you looked between him, your brother, and your VP.

“Against it.” Jax muttered so he wasn’t overheard, which made Opie simply walk away. “We’re getting into a vicious cycle if we keep up with this back and forth retaliation with the Mayans. Your brother doesn’t agree.”

“Yea, well my brother likes to get in fights and blow shit up.” You commented with a glance over your shoulder. “What’s the split?”

“No’ in our fav’a.” Chibs said with a shake of his head. “Wit’ ye, it’s four ta six…”

“Shit.” You sighed as you pulled your ponytail loose to brush the knots out of your hair with your fingers. “So my one day in Charming is gunna involve guns, and probably arson. Perfect way to protect my unborn child.”

“Congrats for tha’ by the way.” Chibs said as he turned you around, and pushed you toward the clubhouse. “An’ ye won’t be goin’…”

“Oh, like fucking hell!” You snapped as you shoved his shoulder. “I like blowing shit up, too!”

——

“You’re fucking doing it wrong.” You teased as you stood over your brother’s shoulder, ‘helping’ him set up the explosives.

“Fuck you.” He grumbled as he passed you the cable in his hands. You pulled it over to the bundle of dynamite that was placed by a propane tank, and strung it up properly, under the watchful eye of your brother so that he didn’t accidentally blow you up. “It’s not easy.”

“What’s not easy?” You asked as you slowly pulled your hands away and stood up at a nearly glacial pace. 

“Being a parent.” When you knew you were clear, you walked back over to him to grab the next line as he continued. “You don’t get to sleep the way you used to. Ellie was up religiously every two hours to eat or be changed or just to fucking scream her fucking lungs out. Kenny wasn’t as bad, but he did a lot more screaming because he was a little fuck head.”

“I mean, he is your fucking kid.” You pointed out as you stood up slowly from the second set and got ready to tie off the third so you could go.

“Yea, that’s Pop’s genes all the way.” You nodded in agreement as you took the third line and pulled it back out where it was supposed to go. “You’re gunna hate it. Nearly every fucking minute of being a parent sucks… but then they look up at you with those eyes and you just… shit it brought me to my knees every fucking time.” He looked up at you with a smile as you stood up by the door and gave him a small, tight lipped smile in return. He hooked up the last line, grabbed his bag and the remote, and stepped over the device to hurry out the door. “It’s worth it. Despite the screaming, and the puking, and the dirty diapers. Despite the midnight wake ups, and the exhaustion, and the toys that will end up in the worst possible places at the worst fucking times for the rest of forever. Despite the anger, and the tears… it’s all worth it.”

“Way to make me feel better about growing a fucking human in my damn uterus.” You said as you snatched the remote from his hand. “Fucker.”

“Hey, I’m just trying to help you out.” He said as you both leaned against the van to wait for the all clear. “What time are you heading out tomorrow?”

“Our flight’s at four out of Sacramento. So we gotta leave Charming at noon at the latest so I can return the Harley and get a cab…”

“Na… I’ll take you.” You looked up at him and the giant smirk he had on his face as he crossed his arms over his chest and watched the rest of the guys come out of the building with the club’s boxes. “But you gotta go see the kids before you go.”

“Shit.” You groaned as you flipped on the remote and hit the button. “Where are they?”

“Donna’s out of town for a work thing.” He chuckled as he helped you into the van while the building exploded behind you. “They’re at Mom’s.”

“Oh, fuck you!” You shouted as you turned off and passed him the remote. “I’m not going! I’ll call a cab…”

“You think so.” He chuckled as he stretched his legs out beside you. “But you know you gotta see the kids before you go or Aunt (Y/N) is in a shit ton of trouble.”

“You… mother fucker.” You growled as you kicked him in the hip.

——

“Just… don’t listen to anything she says.” You said as you got out of Opie’s truck at your Mom’s. “She hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you.” Your brother said as he walked around the back and headed toward the front door. “She just really dislikes you.”

“I set her car on fire by accident when I was younger. Roman candles.”

“And she means candles. Plural. And that was just the start of it all.”

“I was five!” You hissed as he knocked once on the door and headed inside. Your mother looked up at her favorite child with a smile that instantly fell the moment she saw you.

“You can go.” She said as she pointed at the door.

“Hi to you, too, Ma. Hi kiddo’s.” You crouched down to wrap Kenny and Ellie in a hug and gestured to Nat with your head. “My girlfriend, Natasha.”

“Of course she is.”

“Ma, be nice.” Opie tried as Tasha held out her hand to shake your mother’s hand. Mary simply ignored her. “She’s just here to see the kids…”

“And to tell you I’m also making you a grandparent…”

“Oh, you really think that’s a good idea?” She asked as she stood up from the dining room table. “You could barely take care of yourself…”

“Excuse me?”

“You had the kids one day…”

“Oh, here we fucking go.” You groaned as you stood up and tossed your hands in the air.

“One day… and Kenny was in the hospital within an hour…”

“OK, first of all.” You sighed as you looked over at your girlfriend, beyond annoyed. “I was babysitting because Ope was in jail, Donna had to work, school was canceled for some shit or another, and this bitch wouldn’t step up because she just didn’t fucking want to. Kenny went to the hospital because we got in a car accident and he broke his arm because some asshole ran a red light. So that’s obviously my fault.”

“And what about all the times you got arrested? What kinda mother are you gunna be getting arrested all the time.” 

“Nothing stuck because I didn’t do anything.”

“That’s bullshit.” Mary continued, not caring that she was making herself look bad in the process. “We both know that you should have been the one that went to prison for arson.”

“I wasn’t even there!” You and Opie said at the same time.

“Sure… and you weren’t there when you lit my car on fire, either. And you weren’t there when the school flooded from a pipe bomb the day of your math test…”

“I actually wasn’t.” You huffed as you looked back at your girlfriend. “I skipped school that day. Wasn’t my fault.”

“Oh, you’re so full of shit. You’re gunna contradict everything I say in front of her to make yourself look good. And how’d you even get pregnant, anyways? Have some one night stand?”

“From my husband.” You barked, loudly. “My husband, who loved me unconditionally until his dying breath despite all the shit you are trying to poison the mother of my child with. And yea, you heard me right, you heinous cunt. She is the mother of my child; my baby mama. She will be in my child’s life for all eternity even if we break up because unlike you, she loves me despite the shit I did when I was younger. You wanna know why?! Because she knows that I changed when I went to med school. And she knows that I am not the same person that you turned your back on because Piney loved me more. She knows that despite my upbringing in this shit-hole town, I can be a good fucking parent same as Opie is to his kids.” You took a step back away from her and shook your head. 

“You can hate me all you want, bitch. I really couldn’t care less. But I swear on my fucking life that I will do everything I can to be a better mother to this baby than you were to me. I swear to be the same kinda mother I was to Ope. No matter how fucking terrified I am to do so. You didn’t even fucking try to save me. Only Ope. You remember that when you look at these two and realize that you won’t ever fucking meet your other grandkid or kids, however fucking many I decide to have with her. And the only fucking person you can blame is your Goddamn self. Let’s go.” You shot your brother a look, who was trying to hid his smirk because he loved watching you put Mary in her place, and leaned over to kiss your niece and nephew. “Don’t worry, kiddos. You’ll meet your cousin, I promise. I’ll see you soon, OK? And don’t use the ‘c’ word. It’s my word for grandma.”

“Don’t ever come back to my house.” Mary said to your back as you turned Natasha toward the door.

“Don’t fucking worry about that.” You growled back. “Don’t worry, Ope. I’ll call a fucking cab.”

“I’ll be back for them later.” Ope said as he chased after you. You didn’t say a word as you made sure Nat was in the truck, comfortable, and buckled in, and the second she was, you turned in your spot and knuckle punched your brother in the thigh.

“Fuck you!” You shouted at him as he rubbed his leg. “You do that shit on purpose!”

“Look, you needed to tell her you were pregnant.” He said as he pulled out of your mom’s neighborhood and headed toward the highway. “And you needed to tell her you got married, and that you were still bi, and that you were happily dating the fine redhead beside you… Ow, don’t hit me!”

“Then stop being a fuck head!”

“Baby, breathe for me.” Nat said as she reached out to pull your hands into her lap so she wouldn’t hit Opie again.

“She drives me up the Goddamn wall. Every fucking time.”

“Well we don’t have to deal with her again. You said it yourself. She won’t be in our child’s life so we can just let the anger go.”

“Didn’t realize you were so fucking pussy whipped.” Opie mumbled under his breath. You yanked your hand out of Nat’s and punched him hard in the arm and followed it up with a slap to his forehead.

“OK, hitting the man that is driving is not good for the baby in the bigger picture, so we are just gunna stop that right now.” You scowled at your girlfriend as she laced her fingers with yours and held them tight.

“You’re no fun.” 

“I’m protecting my blob, thank you.” You rolled your eyes at her and kissed her cheek as your brother simply shook his head and chuckled.

“Whipped.”

“Eat me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Does this dress look OK?” Natasha asked as she came out of your closet in an adorable, fitted, little black dress that was probably a little too fancy for dinner with the Duquette’s. You looked up at her as you finished buttoning your dress shirt, and nodded your head.

“Baby, you’re meeting my ex in-laws. That dress looks just as amazing as the last three did.”

“(Y/N), these are the grandparents of our child.” She said as she came over to look at the full length mirror in the corner. “These are Denny’s parents…”

“OK, you need to breathe, please.” You gently wrapped your arms around her middle and grabbed her wrists as you rested your chin on her shoulder. “Linda and Dennison are just people. And thats it. Sure, I married their son but unfortunately, he’s no longer with us. Instead, he gave us our little miracle child. But they have no control over this child. The only people that do are the person that is carrying the child, and the woman she loves.”

“Oh, don’t say stuff like that!” She said, defeatedly as she dropped her arms to her sides. 

“I can’t help it.” You chuckled and kissed her cheek as you swayed her back and forth. “I love you.” She nodded her head as tears welled in her green eyes.

“I love you, too.” With a warm smile, you spun her in your arms and gave her a deep kiss.

“Alright, pick a dress, baby girl. We gotta go.”

“Is that what you’re wearing?” She asked as she looked at the dress slacks and the button up shirt you had on.

“No, I plan on going fucking naked.” She turned around and glared at you for a moment as you took a couple steps toward the bathroom to grab a clip for your hair. “Don’t look at me like that. Go pick a dress.” Once she finally settled on a cute, red dress you were pretty sure was yours (but you never remembered wearing it) that flared at the waist and accentuated her ample breasts beautifully, you slipped into some heels, and headed out to the garage to leave. You could tell just by the way she worried your hand that the woman you loved was nervous, so when you pulled into the driveway of the Duquette’s unnecessarily large ‘mansion’, you put the car in park and turned toward her in your seat.

“Look, they are going to love you because I love you. And if they don’t, we’ll leave. But I know that’s not gunna happen because you are the most amazing, kind, gorgeous woman out there.”

“But… you were married to their son.”

“Yea. I was.” You said with a nod. “But he passed away…”

“But I’m a girl.” You couldn’t stop the barked laugh that escaped your lips and you quickly slapped your hand over your mouth.

“Tasha, they know I’m bi. They have always known I was bi. Hell, the first time they met me, they thought I was after Denny’s money because he was the first man I had ever dated long term…”

“He had money?” You huffed and looked up at the house in front of you.

“Babe, the Duquette’s are loaded. Railroad money or some shit, I don’t know. I never paid attention because I have my own money saved up from the club and from work. Why do you think I haven’t gone out to look for a job since we got here? Because we don’t need it. His money’s in a couple different bank accounts collecting interest for when I need it. We’ve barely made a dent in the shit I have saved throughout the years from the club runs and shit. But that’s besides the point. The point is, you are such a beautiful person for their daughter-in-law and they will see that. And if they don’t? Well… then fuck them. We’ll just go home and have hot lesbian sex.”

“I hate how you are always so calm.” She sighed as she fixed her curled hair.

“That’s because I just don’t give a shit.” You giggled as you turned off your truck and got out. You jogged around the front and pulled open the passenger door, which always made Nat smile, and laced your fingers with hers to head inside. “Ma! Dad! We’re here!”

“Yay, finally!” Linda yelled out from the living room, giving you an idea of where to head in the large house. You gave her a warm smile and let go of your girlfriend’s hand for a moment to give her and Denny senior a hug.

“Now I’d like you both to meet this gorgeous Russian firecracker, Natasha.”

“It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Linda cooed as she took a step forward and gave Nat a hug. “I have heard so much about you.” She quickly pulled back and grabbed your girlfriend by her upper arms. “Thank you, so much, for bringing our girl back to life. I was so worried…”

“Alright, that’s enough of that.” You laughed. “I’m fine, we’re fine, everything is fine. Let’s eat, I’m eating for two now after all.” Tasha looked at you gratefully as Linda whipped toward you so fast, you almost felt the air move, and you were concerned she could have whiplash.

“What!? You didn’t…”

“I did.” You confirmed. “The place was shutting down and I risked losing the embryos if I moved them so I said fuck it, and tried a round of in vitro up there just in case. One out of six stuck… so I’m pregnant.” Linda’s hands flew to her mouth as tears started to fall like rain from her eyes. Denny took a step back and stared at you, blankly, which made Natasha take a hesitant step toward you. “Just wait for it.” You whispered to her as you put your arm around her waist. Almost a full minute passed with the pair of them simply staring at you in shock, before Linda finally found her feet and took a step forward to wrap you in a hug.

“Thank you.” She whispered as she ran her finger across your back. “Oh, baby…”

“I need you guys to understand though…” You said as you pulled back to look at them and gestured to yourself and Natasha. “We are raising this baby together. She is this child’s mother just as much as I am. If we break up, she is still our child’s mother. I have zero intention of preventing you from seeing this baby, from spending time with him or her, or from telling him or her about Denny. The baby will know who its father is. But I know neither of you were big fans of the bisexual thing when you met me. Southern Baptist Conservatives, I get it. But I will tell you now… if try to poison my child against her or me because of that or because of my club, I will take this baby and I will run. And I love you both, but this is mine and Denny’s child, not a replacement Denny. I hate having to say it but it needs to be said…”

“We know.” Denny said with a nod as he studied you from a far, knowing that you were addressing his wife more than him because she was very overwhelming. “I know.” You nodded your head at him and smiled.

“So are we feeding the baby, or are we just gunna stand here and tease the pregnant woman with the delicious smelling food, huh? I’m starving.”

“We’re feeding.” Linda choked as she wiped away her tears. “Yes, good. Alright. Do you know when you’re due?” 

“December 15th.” You told her as you lead Natasha toward the dining room. “So we’ll have a cute little Christmas baby.”

“That’s so perfect.” She said tearfully, since your child’s birthday would be so close to Denny’s. You reached out and pat her back with a smile.

“It’s not easy, I know.” You said with a nod as you pulled out Nat’s chair for her. “But it’s going to be beautiful all the same.”

——

You were standing in your garage, finally working on the brakes for your bike, when Natasha came out into the garage with a giant stack of books in her hand.

“Hey babe… Linda just dropped these off.”

“What are these”” You asked over the radio playing on your work bench as you kept your eyes on what you were doing so you didn’t lose the thin wire yet again.

“They’re most of the baby books I ordered from Amazon two days ago.”

“Alright.” You nodded as you grabbed your screw driver and tightened the screw in place. “So…?”

“Well it’s just weird, right?” She asked as she walked over toward you. “I mean like, that’s something we should be buying, right?”

“Are the spine’s broken?” You asked with a glance over at her as you squeezed the brake and checked the pads to make sure they were working properly. You growled at them when they didn’t and picked up your screw driver to try connecting it again. 

“Ummm… yea…”

“OK, is there any underlining or highlighting and if so, how much?” You glanced up a second time as Nat flipped through the first book quickly.

“I mean… there’s a decent amount.”

“Alright, so that means my lovely mother-in-law has not only read through all those books, but she has taken fucking notes on what she thinks we should know about my pregnancy. So you can either donate them or throw them the fuck out, I don’t give a shit.”

“Wait, seriously?” You nodded your head as you checked the brakes a second time, which thankfully was successful.

“What, you think she can read better than you or I can?” You asked as you tossed your screw driver in your tool box. “You think she knows what’s right for us?” She shrugged her shoulders as you got up off your rolling shop stool and walked over to her with a reassuring smile. “Look, you gotta understand something about Linda. She is super overbearing, and extremely opinionated to the point that when she first met me, she sent Denny emails constantly about the dangers of biker gangs and being affiliated with that ‘one percent’. I’m talkin’ like every fucking day. She’s already subscribed my email to like five different parenting websites.” You rolled your eyes and sat back on your bike with an exaggerated shrug. 

“She’s a bitch, man. She always has been, and she always will be. And I’ll tell you the same thing Denny told me. just fucking ignore her until she crosses the line. And you can bet your ass she will cross that line and you can also bet your ass that I will put her in her place when she does just like I did when she tried to trash talk my club to my face. Which is why I told her I will run with this baby, because again… I don’t give a shit. She can try to impose all she fucking wants but at the end of the day, we will parent how we see fit. Period. 

So, if you have your own copies of those books that you want to highlight with what you think is important, then you go right on ahead. I know a lot of the stuff written in those books already because I’m a doctor. But I’ll probably flip through them all the same and take my own notes somewhere in the semi-near future. I’ll also call my brother, and I’ll call Chibs because they’re both parents who managed to not fuck up their kids too bad without having read those books at all. And I’ll call my doctor or one of my many doctor friends if I have questions I don’t know. But I can tell you this with utmost certainty… I won’t be asking my mother-in-law those questions, and I won’t be looking through the shit she has underlined for those answers either. So fucking ignore her, baby cakes. It’s just so much fucking easier. And throw that shit out. She probably has some crazy religious books in there, too.”

“Two of them.” Natasha confirmed as she held up two thin books from the pile.

“Yea, you can just throw those in the fucking trash now.”

“I’ll just donate them to Goodwill.” She said with a small nod, feeling a little more at ease with the situation. “So she does this a lot?”

“More than you will ever know.” You sighed as you pushed off the bike to go and get a drink and take a little break from your work. “She’s almost the polar opposite of Mary.”

“That’s just so weird. That the two of them are so different.”

“Such is life, baby girl. Such is life.”

——

“Baby, what does this mean?”

“You’re supposed to fucking catch that.” You grumbled at the TV in your bedroom as you looked over to see what she was pointing at this time. She had already asked about three extreme ‘what-if’s’ and you could almost hear the fear filled thoughts running through her head as you watched a baseball game on TV. You read the sentence, startled a bit, and took the book from her to read it again. “What the fuck is this shit?” You looked at the cover of the book and shook your head as you looked back at the page to skim through the rest of the page. “Alright, you’re fucking done with this book.”

“Why?” She asked as you folded the page and snapped the book closed. “Wait, I was reading that!”

“This book is full of fear driven, high risk circumstances that happen once in a blue moon. You have been freaking out for the last two hours. Here, rub the blob.” You reached out and pulled her hand toward you as you lifted your tank-top out of the way to reveal your small, but finally visible nine week along bump.

“But Linda read it.” She cried as you put her hand flat on your stomach and held it there. 

“I don’t give a fuck if Linda read it.” You said as you took the book and threw it across the room before she grabbed it back. “You’re not reading it anymore. Read the shit by Ina May. Arizona sent that one specifically for you. She got it when Callie was pregnant with Sophia. Run, fucker, run!”

“Which one’s that one?” She asked as she switched hands and leaned over to look at the giant stack of books she had ordered and that you had been sent from your friends in Seattle to help her out. “Oh, this one? Yea I like this one. I’m only like a quarter of the way through it. Oh!” You looked over at the door of your bedroom as someone started to pound on the front door of your house while ringing the doorbell at the same time.

“Stay here.” You said as you threw back the blanket and grabbed the sawed off shot gun from under your bed.

“No, don’t go.” Nat whispered as she looked at the late hour. “Baby, don’t go, please.”

“Tasha, stay here.” You hissed as you pulled open the bedroom door and flipped on the hall light. You checked to make sure your gun was still loaded and cocked it as your girlfriend came running down the hall after you. “I told you to stay put…”

“And you’re the pregnant one.” She whispered harshly. You rolled your eyes at her and flipped on all the lights in your front yard. The pounding continued as you took a step to the right of the door.

“Count of three you pull it open and you run, you hear me?” She nodded her head as you found your footing and put the shot gun to your shoulder. You whispered the count and flipped off the safety, but you jumped out of the way and pulled your finger off the trigger as Opie landed hard on your hardwood floor. “Ope? Opie!” You scrambled across the floor and instantly recoiled at the overpowering stench of alcohol pouring out of his pores. Your stomach turned and Nat, who knew you were about to hurl, grabbed a decorative bowl off the front table and thrust it into your hands just in time.

“Shit, OK.” She said as she moved your gun out of the way for you. “Come on, Ope. Let’s get you into the house…”

“She’s dead.” He slurred through his tears as he weakly helped Nat move his legs into the house so she could shut the door.

“Who?” You asked as you scooted a little ways away from him and set your puke bowl aside so it didn’t make you more sick. “Ope?”

“He’s asleep… I think…” Nat said as she shut the front door and locked it. With a loud sigh, you held out your hands for her to help you up.

“I need to call Jax…” You groaned as you held on to her arms to find your balance. “And a fucking toothbrush.”

“OK, you go brush, I’ll deal with this, and then we’ll figure out that. And um… take this with you.” You nodded your head as she very gently picked up your shot gun and handed it to you. You instantly flipped on the safety and stepped over your brother as your stomach rolled from the smell of him. “See if we have some industrial strength cleaner or some shit. And throw some towels in the back bathroom if you can. I’m gunna have to drag his big ass into the shower…”

“I’ll help you.” She said with a sigh as she looked down at your brother. “I think I can reach that box of Denny’s clothes in our closet… he’d have boxers, right?”

“I can get the box when I brush my teeth.” You said through a small burp. “God, he fucking reeks.”

“Please don’t throw up again. Please.”

“Blame your child.” You called out. You brushed your teeth quickly and then dug through Denny’s old clothes for a pair of boxers, and a plain t-shirt that you hoped would fit your brother. By the time you made it back out into the living room, Natasha had pulled off his boots, and was wrestling off his socks.

“Why is he so large?” She groaned as she dropped the second one by the door with a sigh of relief.

“No fucking idea. Just grab an ankle.” With a shallow huff, she grabbed his left ankle as you picked up his right. “Holy fuck, Ope, your feet stink!” You groaned as the two of you slowly pulled him across the floor. He groaned and rolled his head to the other side, completely passed out from whatever he had been drinking and God only knows how long he had been on the road. “Ok, we’re just strip him to his boxers.” You said once you got him into the bathroom. “We’ll just throw it all in the washer.”

“He’s not gunna fight back, right?” She clarified as you stood over your brother, shook your head, took a deep breath, and started unloading his kutte pockets and his guns just in case. Once you did that, you switched places with your girlfriend and started working on his pants since this was not your first time having to deal with your drunk brother.

“Alright, I got him from here.” You said as you pulled off your sleep shirt so you were in just your bra and boxers. “Ope! Opie! Get up, asshole! Shower mother fucker!”

“Fuck off.” He groaned as he rolled onto his side and reached out to find the shower.

“Keep going Harry, let’s go! Move your fat ass, mother fucker. Come on!”

“Don’t c-call me Harry.” He groaned as he weakly pushed himself toward the walk in. Natasha giggled from the doorway as you used your foot to keep him moving with a small smirk. 

“Move your ass, Winston! Let’s go, you fucking stink!”

“OK!” He whined as he rolled on to his stomach and slowly army crawled into the stall.

“Thank you.” You said as you walked in behind him and turned on the water. “Sit up.” Your brother did what he was told and leaned back against the wall as you grabbed the hand held shower head to wash him down.

“Donna’s dead.” He mumbled as he looked up at you through his eye lashes. “N-niners… shot ‘er in the head…”

“OK, let’s worry about the shower first, Ope. One thing at a time, right? That’s what you always tell me. So shower, then we’ll plan our revenge.” He nodded his head and closed his eyes as you grabbed the shampoo and looked back at Tasha. “Find my phone.” She nodded her head and headed out of the room as you kneeled down on the floor and poured some apple shampoo into your hands. “Jesus fucking Christ. Come on, Ope. Straighten up. There we go. We’re gunna make it through this just like every other fucking thing we do.”


	7. Chapter 7

It took you over an hour to get your little brother, that had a couple inches less than a foot of height on you and at least a hundred pounds in combined muscle and weight, showered, dried off, and dressed in Denny’s clothes that were just a bit to small for him. You blow dried his hair so he wouldn’t get your pillows all wet, and the entire time, he kept his head leaned against your rib cage to tell slurred stories to your child.

You hated feeling his tears fall on your bump as he told it about Donna. You were never a fan of the woman but it was still sad that your sister-in-law was gone. Your mind raced a mile a minute, going back and forth trying to figure out why the Niners were hitting family members, and trying to tell yourself that you didn’t care so you wouldn’t want to go back. And as if she knew what you were thinking, Tasha came back and forth from your room to see how you were.

“Alright, come on, Ope.” You sighed when you finished his hair. “We gotta go to bed. I got a nice comfy bed for you.”

“I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Not in my fucking house you won’t.” You said as you set the hair dryer aside. “Let’s go, stand up.”

“I’m here.” Nat said as she walked into the bathroom quickly. “Don’t pull him. I got it.”

“Alright, come on, Ope. Make it easy on Tasha, me, and the baby. On your feet.”

“Said I’ll sleep here.” He grumbled as he let Nat pull him to his feet.

“And I said go to fucking bed, asshole. Don’t make me kick your ass for waking me up in the middle of the night.” With a loud groan, he followed you out of the ensuite into the second master bedroom like a lost puppy. You quickly threw the pillows on the floor and ripped back the blankets. You got him all tucked in and kissed your baby brother’s forehead before moving the trashcan from the bathroom over on the small stool Nat had grabbed from the kitchen that she had used to reach the stuff on the high shelves in the kitchen.

“Thank’s (Y/N).” Opie said softly as he rolled over and got comfortable. You paused in the doorway and smiled.

“Of course, hun. I’m always here for you. Good night, Ope. I’ll see you in the morning.” With a nod of his head, he closed his eyes and almost instantly passed out.

“You’re really good with him.” Nat said as you closed the door behind you to go back to your room to get ahold of someone from the club.

“I sort of raised him.” You sighed as you headed toward the front of the house to strip off your wet stuff and get a load of laundry started so it was one less thing to do the next day. “See, Mary got knocked up with me in high school. She didn’t really know what she was getting into with my old man. She didn’t really realize it until nine years later when she had Ope. He was a last ditch effort to save their marriage, I was old enough to know that I wanted a patch more than anything, and old enough to know that she didn’t appreciate me wanting to spend more time with Daddy than her. After I blew up her car, she tried to put me in a fucking beauty pageant’s…. Horrible fucking idea.” You smirked over at her as you closed the top of the washer and pushed the button to start it. “I set off fire crackers behind the stage. It was great.”

“So you’ve always been a pyro.”

“Since the day I could flick a fucking Bic.” You laughed as you walked back through your house, naked, to get redressed for bed. “Which is why I am finding plans for a nice fire pit and a pergola with swings for winter. With Ope here, I’ll do that before I got back to working on the bike.”

“Don’t forget you promised me my hot tub.”

“I didn’t forget.” You laughed as threw on a large shirt and grabbed some boxers from the drawer. “Like I didn’t forget that I agreed to building you the swing bench for the back porch and for the fire pit. I didn’t forget your garden, or your fountain, or your fruit trees. I remember them all but now that we have Ope here, I don’t have to hire someone to do that shit. I’ll just put him to work and distract him from Donna.” She nodded her head and got back into bed with a sigh. 

“But yea, my ma realized that the club was toxic, she had long since given up on me, so when I prospected, Ope was at the age where he was playing the ‘if sissy can do it, so can I’ game, which meant she lost him too. So she stopped giving a shit about him. And I stepped up to take care of him because he was my brother and that’s what family does.”

“Jesus.” She breathed as you got into bed and stretched out under the sheets. “No wonder you blew up her car.”

“No, I blew up her car because she tried to give me a fucking bed time.” You laughed as you grabbed your phone to try Jax again. “Fuck that bitch.”

“OK, sweetheart… you know our child is gunna have a bed time, right?”

“Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.” You said as you hit send and put the phone up to your ear. “But it’ll be late so I’m not up at the ass crack of dawn. You know as well as I do, I don’t fucking function before 9 am without an unnecessary amount of coffee. Jackson? Hey, I got the lovely surprise of my piss drunk brother falling through my front door at midnight, saying that Donna was dead. Can you fucking explain to me why I am just now hearing about this and why he is showing up drunk on my fucking doorstep 2 thousand plus miles away from home?” 

“Shit… Chibs didn’t call you about Donna?” You heard the Scotsman swear in the background as you shook your head and scooted down the bed.

“No one called me. What happened?” You heard him tell whoever was around him he’d be back, and you looked across the pillows at your girl.

“Niners hit…”

“Don’t bullshit me, Jackson.” You interrupted. “You wouldn’t have just walked away from whoever if it was simply the Niners.” You heard him sigh heavily and you knew this was more serious than just a simple murder.

“I think Clay had something to do with it…”

“Oh, mother fucker.” You shouted as you shot up off the bed.

“You can’t tell Ope!” He growled quickly. “ATF set him up as a rat, and Clay bought into it immediately… I’m handling it.”

“Damn it, Jax.” You sighed as you ran your hand through your pale blue, almost silver, grown out hair. “Ope doesn’t know, does he?”

“And we’re gunna leave it that way, you hear me?” You huffed and laid back down with an aggravated smile.

“You threatening me is adorable Jax. Just so fucking cute. That’s my fucking brother you’re talking about, dick head. I’ve been protecting him since he was born.”

“Yea, I know that.” He said with a nod. “Just… fuck…”

“I’ll keep him here for a while.” You sighed as you switched ears with the phone and laid your arm out to tell Nat to come closer. She slid across the sheets and up against your chest so you could wrap her in your arms to protect her. “I have a bunch of shit around the house to keep him busy for a couple weeks. He’ll like to stay busy.”

“He’ll love getting picked on all the time too.”

“Hey, that’s my brother. I have a God given birth right to pick on him all day, every day, for the rest of my fucking life. He’s the one that choose to seek sanctuary here.” Your friend laughed on the other end as a thought popped into your head. “Where are the kids? Who had my babies?”

“They’re staying with Mary.” You instantly groaned and hid your face in Natasha’s hair for a moment.

“Of fucking course she took them. Trying to play Grandma of the year. Just keep a fucking eye on them. If Ope stays longer than a couple weeks, I’ll fly out and pick them up to keep them out of the cunt’s claws.”

“No love lost there, I see.”

“Not at all.” You laughed. “Alright, just tell Chibby to keep in touch. I assume he doesn’t know?”

“Just me.” Jax clarified. “Everyone else thinks it’s the Niners and we’re keeping it that way.” You nodded your head and gently ran your fingers up and down Nat’s back.

“Keep me posted. I’ll update you with whats going on with Ope as it happens.”

“Work him hard, (Y/N). Less he thinks about Donna, the better.”

“Yea, that’s not fucking happening.” You sighed. “She’s the love of his life, he’ll never stop thinking about her. I’ll check in tomorrow. Me, my girl, and my blob need sleep. Night, Jax.” You barely waited for him to respond before you hung up the phone and leaned back to drop it on the table behind you.

“Bad news?” Natasha asked as you flipped off the room lights.

“Always bed news when I deal with the club.” You sighed as you snuggled against her under the blankets. “Which is why we live in fucking Tennessee. Sleep, baby girl. We got a lot of back yard planning to do tomorrow with all your Pinterest shit. I love you.”

“Love you, too, baby.”

——

“This is abuse.” Opie complained as he followed you and Natasha around Home Depot, collecting things for the half dozen projects you had in mind.

“Shut up, Opie. I need about thirty of these…”

“Get ‘em yourself, bitch.”

“Harry Winston!” You snapped as you turned around to point him. “I am pregnant and you will pick up these cinder blocks or I will beat you over the fucking head with them.”

“And we’re breathing…” Natasha said for the hundredth time as she stepped around you to help your brother.

“This is fucking stupid.” He grumbled as he pulled over the flat cart that was already stocked up with plywood, and two by fours.

“You are doing this because you love me and you love your niece or nephew, and you love your future sister-in-law. And you know as well as I do, that I helped you with your damn yard and your shed when you moved into your house. And you fucking know that I helped you with both fucking nurseries when I was sick as a dog for Ellie’s. So you’re gunna help me do my damn yard this week since you woke up up in the middle of the fucking night. Thank you.” Your brother groaned loudly and effortlessly grabbed two cinder blocks as you crossed them off your list and looked to see what you were missing. “We just need the paint and brushes and we’re good to go for round one.

“You sure this is gunna fit in the truck?” He asked.

“We’re gunna just rent a flat bed if it doesn’t. Figured we’ll get all the big shit out of the way first trip and we can just return it on the second trip when we come back to get the shit we forgot we needed that we can blame on the pregnancy brain. Don’t you me that look, Opie Winston. Nat and I can make that trip while you dig holes in my back yard. At least I’m getting the saws and the bricks delivered by Home Depot.”

“I hate you so Goddamn much.” He growled as you turned and grabbed the handle of the other flat shopping cart stacked with pallets.

“I know you do.” You said as you used your foot to get the cart moving. “At least I’m not asking you to dig out the area for a pool.”

“Wait, you’re putting in a pool?”

“I am. Just a small one though and it’ll probably be above ground with a fenced in deck. Oh, and a hot tub.” You said with a nod as you waited for him to load the last blocks so you could head to the other side of the store. “It’s gunna go beside the lovely adult swing set, and fire pit in my little back yard oasis that you are gunna miss out on.”

“Your attitude is gunna get you punched, sister of mine.”

“You punch my baby mama and I will punch you back.” Natasha threatened as she stood up to her full height and pointed at him. “Be nice.”

“Yes ma’am.” Ope chuckled as he pushed the cart after you and yours and the cart Natasha was pushing.

“Good girl.” You said with a smile as you leaned over to give her a chaste kiss. “Alright, what colors did you pick for your shit, my love.”

“I wanna keep the blues we have in the front patio and carry them to the back so this one for the pergola, and then maybe this one for the seats. You could paint the floaty designs on them because you’re better than that than I am. And then this medium blue thats a little green for my garden box. We just need those because I can reorder the wicker chairs from the front to put in the back. That way we can just reuse all the cushions as well. Just boom, boom, boom across the board. Then just get one or two smaller cans of blues in the middle each way for little things like that fridge ice box thing we’re doing, and that barrel storage for the towels and blankets. All the little knick knacks and things for the pre-play area space.”

“That sounds perfect, sweetheart.” You cooed with a smile as you stopped at the paint counter. “Just like you.”

“Oh, get a fucking room.” Opie groaned behind you as you gave the female love of your life a kiss.

“Stop being so fucking rude.” You said as you turned around and glared at him. “Rude brother. Rude, rude, rude.”

“You rude me one more time…”

“Alright, you two. We’re almost done, OK?”

“You’re such a good peace keeper, baby.” You giggled as you gave her a gentle push toward the counter. “Tell him what you need.”

“You two are good together.” Your brother said as you grabbed your water out of Nat’s cart and took a long swig to keep yourself hydrated for a day out in the sun.

“She’s been a saving grace.” You agreed with a nod as you looked over at him. “She gives me a reason to get out of bed in the mornings… she gives me a reason to smile.” You took a step over and reached out to squeeze his hand. “I know it hurts, Ope. Trust me, I fucking know. I’ve been there. But it does get better. But make sure you deal with it… and I know you well enough to know… that you coming to me and us doing this shit is gunna help. Which is why we’re starting my yard now and not next year when the baby is born. So be prepared to do a bunch of manual labor for the length of your stay. I’m gunna milk you for all your worth.”

“You’re a really shit sister, you know that?” He asked as he tightened his fingers around your hand. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Ope. I will always, always be here for you.”

“You two make a really cute couple.” A woman said as she walked by. You smirked and looked over at her as your brother let go of your hand.

“Don’t…”

“Yea, lady. I fucking LOVE banging my brother. Bet we’d make some real adorable but seriously fucked up kids…”

“And you went there.” Opie said as Natasha whipped around from the counter.

“(Y/N)! Unacceptable!”

“What? She started it.”

“I don’t care if she did, you don’t need to go there.” She shot you a look that told you to quit while you were ahead, but you still smirked at her as you leaned on the handle of your cart.

“I’ll be good.” You giggle as you raised a hand in surrender.

“You better, missy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I need you to quit fucking flaunting the fact that you can be in that fucking hot tub and I can’t.” You growled to your girlfriend as you sat on the patio, watching her enjoy her birthday gift.

“I can’t help it. It’s just so nice.” You nodded your head slowly and looked down at your no longer questionable, eleven week along bump, pointedly.

“Your child is mad at you. I can feel it.”

“Oh, get out of here!” She laughed as she turned off the jets and stood up in her barely there bikini. “You are such a butt.”

“I’m speaking the truth.” You said with a smile as she came over and gave you a chaste kiss. You reached up to pull her closer to you to deepen the kiss when a loud scream came from inside your house. “Shit… Ope?!” You shouted as you jumped to your feet and sort of roughly pushed Natasha out of the way. “Stay here!” You slipped through the back door and paused just long enough to grab a gun you had strategically placed on the back of a book shelf, before continuing through the house. You could hear your brother demanding to know who someone was and in between his demands, you could hear a woman crying… and trying to say ‘Linda’.

“Ope, stand down!” You shouted as you ran the rest of the way down the hall. “It’s OK…”

“She just walked in.” He said as he pointed to your terrified mother-in-law with his gun.

“Yea, and while I don’t like that.” You said as you walked over and pushed his gun down. “She’s my mother-in-law. Stand down, Opie. It’s OK.”

“Oh, fuck.” He sighed as he put his gun in the back of his pants. “Sorry.”

“Go get Tasha.” You said as you put your gun on the coffee table. “I got this.” You walked over and gently grabbed Linda’s arm to coax her out of the kitchen and over to the couch.

“That is not safe!” She sobbed as she shook her head. “Not safe.”

“Well… it is safe, Ma. It’s just scary. But while my brother may be a fucking brute, he would never, ever hurt a woman.” She nodded as she took the tissue you were offering her to dry her eyes. “Ma, you can’t just walk into my house…”

“(Y/N), I’ve been calling you for days and you haven’t been answering!”

“Yea, I’ve been a little busy. My brother’s wife just passed away and I’ve spent the last two weeks having him help with my backyard to distract him. Which is why I haven’t had my phone on me.”

“Oh.” She sniffled with a small nod. “I was just worried something had happened…”

“That’s understandable. But that doesn’t mean that you can just walk into my house. I have a doorbell that rings in my garage and on the back porch.”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you about that I talked to my pastor at my church and he said said that you could attend, and I wanted to bring you these books one of the ladies in my book club found about lesbian parenting…”

“OK, I’m gunna stop you right there.” You sighed as politely as you could. “Look, I’m just gunna lay this out on the line because I don’t fucking sugar coat shit. I’m not going to church. My child will not be going to church. That was decided by Denny and I shortly after we got engaged and started talking about where to do it. And that will remain a true statement tomorrow, and in three years, and in ten years and ten after that. I’m a doctor and I believe in medicine. This is not a religious household. Spiritual, yes. Tasha does believe in a higher power watching over us but I’m not getting in to that discussion right now.

Now, as far as the books go… shit… OK, I need you to look at it this way, OK? Every night before we go to bed, Tasha lays in bed and fills out one of three pregnancy journals. Every night I get asked different questions about my pregnancy and about being pregnant in general. And after she journals, she reads about what’s going on with her baby that week. Ma, she gets so damn excited to tell me what size the baby is that week. And she loves hearing the little tidbits I can give her. Usually, they end up in her journals but some tidbits are just little moments for us. Like this week, the baby started developing teeth, and its ears are moving forward more. And that lead to a hilarious discussion of what would happen if the ears didn’t move, and what kind of advantages having ears on the back of your head instead of eyes.

But what if, instead, she read the books you had marked up with what you found important? What if this week, she read that if I don’t get enough nutrients, the red blood cell numbers won’t increase and my placenta won’t grow properly? She could spend this entire week stressing out about my nutrient intake, that I’m already very aware of, instead of enjoying little moments like the one we shared last night. How is that fair to her? And those lesbian reading books? Trash. They don’t give you anything modern baby books don’t already give you and they simply make the non-pregnant mother feel left out.

Look, I love you, Linda. I really do. But I don’t want your parenting advice. And not just yours, I don’t want anyone’s parenting advice. I punched my brother in the stomach over some parenting advice only two days ago. It’s all shit to me because I already know it. I was going to become a fetal surgeon, so my focus was babies for years. But I bet you that you were in the same boat when you were pregnant with Denny. 

Did you appreciate your mother-in-law telling you about your baby and your pregnancy? My guess is no, because you wanted to figure it out on your own. Did you like people you knew or even strangers telling you how to be pregnant and how to be a mother to your son? My guess is no, again, because I’m not even out of my first trimester and I’ve already hung up on half my old co-workers, and yelled at three different women in the grocery store for trying to basically point out how they thought they were better at being a parent than I was. 

So I know you mean well, and I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want the books. I don’t want the articles you thought I’d like to read because they were interesting to you, I don’t want the updates from parenting blogs you subscribed me to, I don’t want any of it. What I want, is to go through my pregnancy with my wife… girlfriend!” You startled the slightest bit and shook your head as you repeated the word in your head, liking the way it sounded. “That was different. But still… let me experience it with my girl. Because at the end of the day, it’s our baby. And the only two people that know what’s best for this child is Natasha and I. OK?” She nodded her head and sniffled as she wiped her tears away.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she reached out for your hands. “I’m sorry, I just… I miss him so much.”

“I know you do.” You said as you squeezed her fingers. “I do, too. But trying to make this baby your replacement Denny is only going to push me away. I can’t handle it. I won’t. And I don’t want to take your grandchild away from you. Please, please hear what I am saying right now and respect it. Because I won’t say it again.”

“I’m sorry.” She said quickly as she tightened her grip. “Please, don’t go back to Charming. Please, I’ll stop. I swear, I’ll stop. Just please don’t go.”

“I won’t.” You promised with a nod. “If you stop, I won’t.” She nodded her head and let go of your hands to quickly pick up the papers and the books she had brought with her.

“Just… can you just check in a little more? I worry…”

“I can try to check in more.” You agreed. “And no more walking into my house. I own guns…”

“OK.” She huffed with a small smile. “I promise.” With a final nod and a tight lipped smile, you pat her knee and sat back.

“Now, while I would love to sit and visit, I really have to pee and we’re taking Opie out for one last family dinner before he drives home tomorrow. And trust me when I tell you, I may not be a girly girl but trying to put this bump in any sort of clothing right now leads to a hell of a lot of cursing and tears. Guaranteed. It’s not pretty, and poor Tasha has her hands full with me already.”

“Oh, go. Have fun with your brother. Tell him I send love and prayers.” With a huffed laugh you got up to walk her to the door.

“I’ll tell him. I’ll talk to you later.” You walked her out the door and the moment you turned the lock behind her, you let out a groaned sigh.

“She’s been smiling like an idiot for ten minutes.” Opie said on his way past to go to the guest suite. “She heard you say wife.”

“Of course you two were eavesdropping.” You stopped in the doorway of your bedroom and looked at Natasha, who was sitting on the edge of the bed in her bath robe with a giant smile on her face.

“You called me your wife.”

“I did.” You said as you gave her a chaste kiss on your way to the bathroom. “And it sounded fucking perfect to me.”

——

“Why is this baby getting bigger?” You asked as you laid in bed, curled around a probably very uncomfortable Natasha as she tried to read through the baby name book for your daughter since you had finally found out the gender at 16 weeks.

“Because she’s growing.”

“Tasha, I will fucking shoot you.” You growled as you adjusted your head on her boob.

“You can’t shoot me, baby.” She said calmly as she let you pull her leg toward you with yours. “Because you don’t like the body pillow and my boobs are squishy.”

“They really are squishy.” You sighed with a small smile as you moved your bump on her hip a bit.

“I don’t like any of these.” She said as she literally ripped out a page in the book and threw it across the room. You looked at her through your lashes and gently reached up to take the book from her.

“So we’re not gunna throw things tonight, OK?”

“It’s just… I want to find the perfect name but everything just sounds too plain, or too stupid. Did you and Denny ever talk about names?” You sighed and awkwardly sat up.

“We did… but they depended on what name I kept.” You sat back against the headboard and brushed your fingers across your stomach slowly. “I always liked Eliza Winston for a girl… he wasn’t a huge fan because of having an Ellie already and he just thought it sounded too slutty. But if I kept Duquette… we both agreed on Ophelia.”

“Ophelia…” Nat repeated on a breath as she sat up to look at you with a giant smile. “Oh my, God, I love it! Ophelia Duquette. Oh please, please can we keep it?”

“You wanna use that name?” You asked as you looked over at her. She nodded her head and scooted even closer to you.

“It’s a beautiful name, and it’s original. You don’t hear that name often. And it is special. Her Daddy helped pick it out. I don’t think we could ever find something more perfect.”

“Babe.” You sighed as you reached out to grab her hand. “You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to pick a name just because my husband…”

“It’s not because of Denny.” She said as she shook her head at you. “I mean, it kind of is… but it’s not. This little girl is a very, very special little girl. She has two Mommy’s that love her, unconditionally, and a Daddy that loved her before she even existed. He didn’t get a chance to meet her, and our daughter won’t ever get to meet him. But he will always be a part of our lives whether he is here in person or in spirit. So I think we should give our daughter something to hold on to from him. And if that’s just a name that he helped pick out that both her Mommy’s agreed on, then that is a name worth using. And I agree with him, Eliza just doesn’t work. And I have been through that book twice and nothing else jumped out at me.” Tears welled in your eyes, which was still so unusual for you to experience, and you covered your mouth with your hand as the proposal you had planned just slipped out.

“Will you marry me? You are just the most perfect woman in the entire world and I just can’t…”

“Oh, baby…” Natasha cooed as she scooted up the bed, and put her hand on your bump. “I would love to marry you but why are you are crying…”

“Because you’re just so perfect.” You cried as you threw your hands down on the bed. “You just… you know the exact right things to say and you are just so beautiful in your heart. And you are so good in bed, and I just… I want you forever and ever and no one else can have you because you are my wife. Mine, all mine even thought I do not deserve you at all no matter how much you say I do.”

“Ok, how about I make you a deal?” You nodded your head frantically and tried to grab her hand when she scooted away from you on the bed for a moment to grab something. “How about I’ll marry you… if you never say that you don’t deserve me again… and if you promise to never take this off.” Your tears turned into full blown sobs as she pulled a simple, white gold band with an infinity symbol from the small ring box. “Baby, you can’t cry!”

“I’m pregnant!” You sobbed as you gave her your hand. “And I didn’t have time to get up to get your ring!”

“OK, well where is it, I’ll get it.” She laughed as she pushed the ring into place. You gestured vaguely to your closet and tried to convey that it was in your kutte pocket because you knew she’d never look there, and after a couple moments of trying to decipher your sobs, she giggled and got up to get it. 

“This is not how I planned this!” You called out after her as you reached over to grab a handful of tissues from the new yet nearly empty box on your bedside table because everything made you cry now a days. “I planned candles, and flowers!” 

“But this is so much better.” She said with a smile as she handed you the box. “Alright, your turn. Do it over.”

“Well I can’t now!” You sobbed as a fresh wave of tears started to fall. “Because now I’m all ugly and splotchy and I can’t talk!”

“Oh, baby!” Your fiancée pouted as she climbed back up on the bed. “I don’t even care…”

“Tasha…”

“OK, come here.” She chuckled as she sat back down at your side and put your hand on yours. “Four words. Ask them.”

“W-will you m-marry me?”

“I would be honored to marry you, baby.” You nodded your head as she opened the box with your help to reveal a gold, vintage setting, 2 karat diamond ring that you thought fit her perfectly. “Oh, it’s beautiful…”

“Like you.” You choked as you looked up at her. She met your eyes and you instantly started to tear up again.

“OK, come here.” She laughed as she scooted back to her side of the bed and held her arms open for you. You nodded your head and rolled back over on to your side to get comfortable. Her smile threatened to break her cheeks at just how adorable you were as you cuddled up into her side. She looked down at you and gently ran her fingers through your hair as you looked at the perfect ring on your finger.

“Your Mommy’s trying to kill me, Ophelia.”

“Yea, that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.”


	8. Chapter 8

“So Linda emailed me again.” Natasha said gently as she watched you try to pick out paint colors for Ophelia’s nursery. “She still wants to do that surprise baby shower.” You shook your head and switched the Disney paint color cards around in your hand. “OK… I’ll tell her no again.” Your head changed directions and your hand closed around the Cheese-It she handed you because it was starting to pass your lunch time. You had been sitting in Walmart for over an hour on the cute backyard furniture that was set up for sale, trying to figure out the perfect color scheme that you could run with.

You had always been a decent artist and your ability to draw Disney characters really well was the original argument Arizona used to to get you into pediatrics. But the problem was, you had never actually seen any of the Disney movies. Donna never let you babysit the kids when Ope was in jail, your parents weren’t about to have played them for you. You caught bits and pieces of various films and had learned some of the stories through your kids… but not enough that you could decide which movie was best for your daughter’s bedroom. And what kinda parent doesn’t know that? You suddenly realized that you were turning out to be your own mother.

“Hey, whoa, whoa!” Natasha shrieked as she threw her phone in her purse and started ripping the paint squares out of your hands when you started to hyperventilate. “Hey, breathe…”

“I can’t do this.” You gasped as you shook your head frantically and looked over at her. “I can’t. I can’t be a mother. You need to take her. You need to just take her out of me, and just go far, far away because I am… toxic. I’m going to turn into my mother and I’m going to fuck her up. She’s gunna turn out just like me.”

“OK, slow down, please.” Nat tried as she cupped your jaw in her hand but you simply continued.

“I don’t know Disney movies. I don’t know nursery rhymes. I swear all the fucking time. I’m not mother material. I’m a heartless shrew…”

“(Y/N), you need to breathe. Hey, look at me!” You got your wide eyes to focus on hers as she put your hand on her heart, now very used to your baby related panic attacks. “Hey, feel my heart. Nice and slow. Let’s breathe slowly, baby. No, slowly…” You nodded your head and tried to breathe as she cupped your jaw in her hands. “Hey, baby. Hi. We’re breathing, right? Yea, we’re gunna be just fine… She’s OK.” Nat said with a smile at one of the Walmart employees. “First pregnancy. Today, we’re get a little worked up over paint colors and that perfectly OK, right?” You reached up with your free hand to hold her wrist tightly as the man offered to bring you a bottle of water.

“I can’t do this.” You said as your breathing slowly started leveling out. “I can’t…”

“OK, so right now we don’t think we can do this.” She cooed with a smile. “But that’s just right now. Because just this morning, when you saw that little, ruffle dress in that consignment store, you were so excited to be a Mom. You were excited that you got to show your mother how to be a mother to an innocent baby girl. And then you started crying and I sort of missed the rest.” You huffed a laugh as she let you go for only a moment to take the bottle of water and a package of tissues from the employee. “Baby, this is normal; this uncertainty you feel. Especially after what your own mother did to you. I completely understand. But in your panic… you forgot that we were in this together. You forgot, that while you may have had a shitty upbringing, I was fortunate with mine. And I made you a promise that I was going to be there for our daughter, too. 

I won’t let you turn into your mother. I’d kick your ass if you tried. And who cares about nursery rhymes? They are God awful anyways. I’d be completely OK with not listening to ‘The Itsy Bitsy Spider’ a million times in a row. Fuck that. And you know I swear just like you. Not as often, but it’s there in my vocabulary. You’re an ex-biker, so you’re gunna swear and there’s nothing wrong with that. That doesn’t make you a bad mother. But if you think about it, this whole thing makes you an amazing mother. It’s in my books, and you know it as well as I do. Every pregnant woman gets nervous about being a parent. And it doesn’t help that you’re probably hungry.” You nodded your head and drank your water as Tasha rubbed your back softly. 

“Tasha… I’m scared.”

“I’m scared, too, sweetheart.” She said with a nod. “But we are gunna be OK. I promise.” You nodded your head as she collected all of the paint squares in her lap. “So, I think we may be doing this backwards. We don’t even have a crib or bedding picked out yet. I think we should go grab a sub from Subway up front and go wander around over there for a bit, see if we can maybe pick that stuff out before we pick out paint. There’s no point in matching this stuff backwards, right?” You nodded and sniffled as she put the squares in her bag, packed up the snack she had been given you.

“Help me.” You whined as you held out your hands because getting your 20 week along bump up out of the low bench chair was not easy. 

“Oh, you can easily do this yourself.” She grunted as she pulled you to your feet. “Jesus Christ.”

“Stop calling me fat!”

“I’d never.” She sighed as she looked up at you, pointedly. “I’m calling you tall because you have five damn inches on me, bitch. Come on, time to feed the Mama like a good wifey should.”

——

“I didn’t know you were such a good artist.” Tasha cooed as she swam over to your amazing pool float lounge chair to get a closer look at what you were drawing for Ophelia’s room.

“Opie is good, too.” You told her as you carefully sketched the ‘land’ portion of your half above, half below water Tinkerbell/Ariel themed nursery wall art. “We’re the ones that have done all the artwork for the MC’s bikes. Then when I was working in the hospital, I would draw pictures for the kids between surgeries.” You sighed and looked at the petite details of one of the Disney Faeries face… not that you could remember the little brunette’s name, to make sure it was as close as you were gunna get it. You compared it to the photos you had printed out and paper clipped to the edge of your sketch book and pursed your lips as you looked over at your unofficial wife that would forever hold that title all the same. 

“It’s hard as fuck operating on kids and babies… and then switching over to babies still in utero? My head fucking spun all fucking day, every fucking day. So I started learning how to draw the Disney characters to hang up in my patients rooms to make them feel better. And then it moved on to all cartoon characters, and then animals both fictional and none. And when Denny came along, my drawings turned into portraits. And then went back to painting a new bike… and now, I’m decorating my daughters room with little faeries that I don’t even know the names of.”

“I’ll watch the movies with you before ‘Lia is born.” She giggled as she cupped some water in her hand and very carefully poured it on your daughter, who had started moving the night before and hadn’t stopped since, being careful that she didn’t get your book wet.

“You can just push me over to the side.” You told her as you carefully closed the book and pointed to the side. “I’m fucking hot and getting pregnant where the second trimester is in the fucking summer is the worst fucking idea in the entire fucking world.”

“Oh, aren’t we just a ball of sunshine today.” You stuck your tongue out at her, and held your book up above your head as she pushed you over to the side of the pool that had just been set up the week before, just in time for 4th of July weekend. “Here, I got it.”

“Just… please be careful.”

“I will be careful.” She said as she walked up the stairs and dried off her hands. She took your book from you and made sure it was far out of the way before she came over and helped you out of the chair so you didn’t flip over. “See? Much better. Nice cold water.”

“You’re a little too peppy for me today.” She smirked at you as she ran her hands up your sides and rested her palms on your bump.

“I am always too peppy for you. But I still make you smile, don’t I? I’m a good wife.”

“Yea, you are a good wife.” You sighed as you put your hands on her sides. “Tasha… I’m starting to get a little stir crazy.” You watched her smile falter the slightest bit as you took a step back away from her. “I need something to happen.”

“Wha…” She tried, but her words caught in her throat. She swallowed and shook her head as her thoughts started to fun wild. “Are you leaving me?”

“No, baby! No!” You gasped as you walked back across the pool quickly. “No, never! I just… I’m so used to the constant action- the club, surgery, the hospital, dealing with Denny and his heart- my whole life has been one constant adrenaline rush. But now I’m just… I’m just here, going shopping and drawing, and growing a baby and it’s all just soooo fucking boring… Not that you’re boring, but it’s just… fuck, now I’m just fucking this up…”

“No…” Nat whispered as she stepped back over to you. “No, baby I get it… It’s… it’s not easy to hear, but I get it. I do and no, I’m not mad. But… baby I don’t know how to help you. I’m not as adventurous as you are…”

“I know…” You sighed as you carefully lifted her up under the water so she could slightly awkwardly wrap her legs around the lower parts of your hips and the tops of your thighs. “I swear, it’s not you, baby. It’s… well it’s just being pregnant fucking sucks. Fuck it sucks so much. You’re having the next one and any other ones you want after that.”

“Wait. You want more?” She asked as she leaned back to look at you.

“That’s up to you. I’m carrying one and only one. You want another one, you have the option of using my embryos, or using Denny’s sperm if you wanna keep it in the same genetic family but want one to be genetically yours too, or if you want, we can go find a sperm bank and pick out a donor. I am not picky on that part. But I am not, and will not do this pregnancy thing again. I will stand by your side and I will rub your feet at three AM, and make midnight cravings runs, and I’ll even stay out of the fucking hot tub for nine whole months. However many you want, I’m there. But I won’t carry another baby. That shit will drive me up the Goddamn wall. I need to go fucking shooting and I need to ride my fucking bike and shit.”

“You wanna have another baby with me?” She said as she started to tear up. “You wanna give ‘Lia a brother or sister?”

“If you want to, baby, then abso-fucking-lutely I do.”

“Stop…” She said as she pulled away and started to cry. “Stop, I can’t… Really?” You nodded your head and smirked.

“What, you think I’d say you couldn’t have kids or some shit?”

“I mean, I just figured you’d only want Ophelia.”

“Only want to carry her.” You laughed as you rubbed your bump. “Because the stretching, and the hormones, and the crappy sleep, and the fact that I can’t ride my bike or shot people just sucks.”

“OK, wait a minute. You can’t shoot people not pregnant.”

“Oh, you wanna bet on that one?” You laughed as you dunked your shoulders under the water. “Because I bet I can.”

“You’re not shooting people anymore.” She said in a sing song voice as she swam over to you. “You can find a target or something to shoot when you’re not pregnant.”

“Or maybe Mommy will take vacations to California twice a year to find decent targets to shoot.”

“Yea, you think so.” She laughed as Linda called out your name from the fence so you could let her in to prepare for your small 4th of July get together with some of Denny’s family, some of your and Denny’s old friends that lived in Memphis, and some of the women Natasha had befriended in a running group that ran past the house twice a day, and from the cute little bakery that was down the road from your house that had these chocolate chip bagels with homemade, hand whipped strawberry cream cheese that you were absolutely obsessed with. 

“Stay and relax, baby. I got it.” You nodded your head as she swam over to give you a kiss before she yelled to Linda that she was coming as she got out of the pool. You watched her jog across the neatly manicured grass as Ophelia did a little flip in your stomach and landed on your bladder.

“Damn it, child. Now I have to pee again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost as if fate needed to intervene, you got a phone call at three forty in the morning.

“(Y/N)?” Opie said with tears obvious in his tone. “He’s dead.”

“Ope?” You asked tiredly as you pulled the covers back up over your shoulder to stay warm in the cold house. “Who is dead?”

“Pop.” Your eyes flew open and you sat up as quickly as you could as your heart froze in your chest. “Pop’s gone. Clay…”

“OK, I’m coming.” You said as you threw back the blanket to pack a bag. “I’ll catch the first flight out to Sacramento. Come get me, I can’t ride.”

“Just text me flight info.” You nodded your head, turned on the light on your bedside table, and hung up the phone as Natasha sat up behind you.

“What’s going on?”

“I have to go to California.” You sighed as you got up to pack.

“What? Wait, baby you’re pregnant…”

“I’m fucking aware of that.” You snapped as you punched the light switch in the bathroom. You shuffled over to the bathroom as your hatred for Clay Morrow coiled in the pit of your stomach. Natasha came into the bathroom slowly and stopped at the sinks to wait for you.

“You can yell at me all you want.” She said gently as you grabbed the drawstring makeup bag that Nat had bought and had monogramed for you in a set with the one she got, and started throwing your bathroom products in it since you didn’t wear makeup other than mascara and eyeliner now. “But you need to tell me where you are going and why…”

“California.” You said as you closed the bag and grabbed your hair brush. You went to take a step around her but she quickly side stepped with you and held up her hands to show she meant no harm.

“Why are you going to California?” You glared at her and shook your head as you licked your lips.

“Because I need to put a fucking bullet in a mother fucker’s head.” She nodded her head, subtly and searched your eyes, knowing that there was absolutely no way she was going to convince you not to go.

“Who baby? Who needs to die right now.” You softened the slightest bit and debated for only a half second on whether you were going to lie to your wife or not.

“Clay. He killed my old man, and he killed Donna. That’s two Winston’s too fucking many.”

“OK.” She said as she took your makeup bag from you. “I’ll help plan the funeral out there so you don’t have to worry about it, alright? Besides, someone has to help you tie your boots without the guys knowing you need help, right? And someone has to remind you that eating snacks and drinking full bottles of water are still important no matter how much you have to fucking pee. I won’t stand in your way… but I need to protect my wife and our daughter. So I’m coming.” You nodded your head and stepped around her, too vengeful to even care otherwise.

“You’re stayin’ at the fucking club house!” You yelled out to her as you walked into the closet and ripped a SAMCRO shirt off a hanger. “And no fucking questions!”

——

“Down to my old room.” You told Natasha as you pointed in that direction while leading Opie toward the chapel. “Chucky, help her with the fucking bags.”

“Everyone’s in there.” Ope said under his breath.

“Good.” You threw the doors open, startling everyone in the room as you pulled out your gun and aimed it at the president. “Hey, fucker. Remember me? The daughter of the fucking Son you killed?” You purposely kept your distance as Opie slammed Clay down on the table and twisted his arm back so he wouldn’t grab his weapon. The room burst into a slight tizzy and weapons were drawn while you simply closed the doors behind you with your foot. “You wanna fucking tell them or should I? Keep in mind, I have fucking photos of your FUCKING betrayal!”

“What the fuck is going on?” Jax demanded as he stood up to look at you and glared at Tig, who was the only one that had his gun pointed at you. “Tig, put the fucking gun down!”

“He killed my dad.” You said with an almost scary evenness as you pulled your cell phone out of your kutte. “He killed my dad… in cold blood… because Piney threatened to out the fact that he also killed fucking Donna.” The room got silent as Opie looked up at you.

“That’s bullshit.” Clay growled as your brother tightened his grip on Clay’s wrist.

“That’s fucking bullshit.” You repeated as you stepped around the table toward him. “That’s fucking bullshit. OK. So Unser’s a liar and if I were to ask good old trustworthy Tiggy here if he was the mother fucker pulling the trigger when he thought my fucking baby bother was a rat… pick that fucking gun up, I swear to fuck!” You shouted as you pressed the muzzle of your gun against Tig’s temple. “I promise you, pregnant or not, I am a way better fucking shot.”

“These are real?” Chibs asked as he flipped through the photos on a disconnected burner that would end up smashed by the end of this conversation.

“As real as I’m fucking standing here. I want a fucking vote, and I want a fucking vote now. Patch and Mayhem.” You grabbed Tig’s gun off the table and stepped away from Clay to look over at your VP. “I’ll fucking wait.”

“You can’t…” Clay tried before you took a step back over and rapped him in the jaw with the handle of your gun.

“Shut up.”

“I’m… not sure what to fucking do here.” Jax said as he looked around the table.

“Vote it!” Opie shouted as he looked over at his best friend. “Vote it or you can vote for mayhem for me. Because he’s not walking out of this shit alive.” With a nod of his head, the VP looked around the table and shrugged.

“Vote it.” Chibs said as he passed the phone across the table.

“You’re going off some pregnant bitch’s word?” Clay asked, which earned him another twist of his wrist and a second hit with your gun.

“Jax, you know I’m at least right about Donna. Even if you can’t see to give my old man the fucking justice… give it to her.” With a slow nod of his head, Jax looked over at his step dad as his jaw tightened. 

“Pro’s and con’s?” He asked as he passed the phone to Bobby so that everyone could see the photos of the wreckage in the cabin.

“He killed Donna.” Opie started.

“He killed Piney.” You added. “Killing another member, instant Mayhem vote…”

“OK, calm your pregnant ass down!” Jax snapped as he looked up at you. “Anyone else?”

“He’s the one that sent the Niners to the last gun drop with the Mayans.” Tig said to save his own skin. “And was the one that…”

“I’d fucking quit while you’re ahead, Brutus.” You said under your breath.

“Any cons?” The room stayed relatively silent as your brother struggled the slightest bit against Clay, who was realizing that he was in a losing battle. “All in favor of stripping our current president of his patch?” You and Opie agreed simultaneously as you slammed your gun into Clay’s jaw again to keep him silent. The rest of the club, who were a little afraid of the tiny pregnant woman with the gun at the head of the table, all agreed. Jax nodded his head and reached across the table for the gavel. “Patch is gone. Now Mayhem.”

“He killed Donna…”

“Killed Piney.”

“Let’s just go around the table.” Jax said with a hint of annoyance. You and Opie said ‘yes’ at the same moment again as you pulled Opie’s knife from the holder on his hip to cut off Clay’s kutte.

“Hold him.”

“You lay a fucking…” Clay started as he tried to scoot back enough to hit you with his chair. You pulled your hand back, put your gun in your more dominant hand, and slammed the top of it against his temple as hard as you could, which thankfully knocked him out. Ophelia kicked a few times in your stomach at you, which made you really have to go to the bathroom, but you tried to ignore it as you cut the shoulder of your former president’s kutte.

“It’s unanimous.” Jax said as he looked up at you with a small nod. “Clay Morrow will meet… Mrs. Mayhem.”

“Happy, with me.” You said as you yanked the back of the kutte away and threw it on the table. “Prospect… I really hope you don’t have a weak stomach.”


End file.
